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still alive...but i hate my life

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So, I just got off the phone with SSA for the SSI stuff…Apparently the approval process for Disability is 3-6 months…and even after that there is a 5 month waiting period before payments start. So assuming my application goes through on the first try (immediately and approved next month) without a hitch - I wont be getting financial help until March at BEST. My income stops dead at the end of December (assuming I’m granted the unemployment extension).

I fucking can’t do this… I just…I can’t. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t stop crying.

On top of all that - this morning was looking at apartments all morning and anything cheaper than $800/month is in a horrid area with high crime rates/awful management. I have no money besides Unemployment which stops dead on Dec 28, i can’t find a job because I’m OVERqualified for receptionist positions, and UNDERqualified for Tech jobs (F’ing certifications or rather lack of) - and when I do manage to get interviews - as soon as they find out about my physical issues (cant stay standing/sitting from more than 2hrs at a time, semi-wheelchair bound, cant lift things over 5lbs, and hypoglycemic) the interview stops dead.

I can’t afford to move

I can’t afford a flatmate

Getting a flatmate or a full-time job (no matter how short a time) both disqualify me for Disability

I can’t find an apartment that I can afford that is in a safe area

…to top all that off, I got off the phone with my mom who yesterday was gung ho about me going for Disability (even encouraging me to take my wheelchair), and now shes saying “suck it up, stop crying, and do something about it. I had the same problem when i was out of work for 9 months and I got through it.”


…and NO, BY THE WAY - you have not gone through the same ---- I have! because YOU had over 10 years managerial experience to fall back on when you got laid off for 9 months, and you DON’T have the physical disability ---- I have to deal with and you didn't have to worry about your unemployment stopping!

I’m going to go run errands and try not to end up dead via car crash…


  1. Marka's Avatar
    Well...I'm not one inclined to say I 'know' what you feel, or I 'know' what you are going through...I also don't know anything else about CAN do this...even if you don't know how yet!

    I can, and will say, that I have some experience in SSD/SSI...about five or six years of it UEB, and only the last year, through appeals process...not reapplying over and over...a little less than $200USD/month plus food, from the state...obviously not the overhead of standard rent, or the benefits of standard domicile, but reasonable enough shelter and containment of some of my possessions just the same...

    You have to live your life the best way that you can now...while, working for what you need in an overburdened, and seemingly unfair need to attempt any work that you can, without causing undue injury, or liability to yourself, AND others...and show that this isn't a lifelong disability (though I'm not sure why it matters)...and you need legal representation, as well as advocacy from various (usually) non-profit organizations...and even then...there is no guarantee of when, or how much...if anything, that you get...

    I am currently in limbo with the higher courts...until someone there makes the next might consider some psychological counseling while you continue to endure this will be damned if you do something, and damned if you don't...but you ought to consider being proactive all the same...

    I would also suggest separating yourself from the social-standard of what a useful and productive member of society is...being either indifferent, or totally enslaved by that criteria...will cause you much, much grief!

    There are many websites to help you navigate the perils of this process...and it's all about as clear as mud! The less delusional you are though, the more appropriate you can act on your own behalf...

    Unless you have an obvious deformity, and/or the medical records with substantiating evidence to your claim...I would not expect (though it could happen)...anything short of 1-year, before your claim is accepted and paid, or completely denied...without any further appeal...

    My combination of quite poor self-advocacy, and representation...combined with numerous inconsistencies with medical, and state handling...have left me fallen through the 'cracks'... The ALJ threw everyone under the bus, and contradicted their own evidence...and we wait...and we! life is passing by! Don't let this process be your life! ...get to understand it better too though!

    I hope it works much better for you than it has for me thus far...but, I'm going to live it however I can...all the remaining while!

    Updated 27-Sep-2013 at 22:58 by Marka - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.