maybe going away for a little bit
by, 16-Sep-2013 at 10:30 (1146 Views)
anybody who knows me knows i'm very passionate and maybe a little over impulsive. so...that's what the maybe up there is for.
this isn't a blog post to ask people to beg for me to stay (honestly? i'd expect more people to beg me to leave :P) this blog is here in general because i want people to know what happened if i don't show up for a bit.
still. i'm very hurt right now. i'm trying to type this, strike the balance between getting how i feel onto the 'page' and not being a gossip. i found out that a former close friend, someone who was a caretaker for me for a while, had spent every waking moment they were around me telling their partner how much they hated spending time with me, how annoying i was, how much they wanted to hurt me...
you know that really upset me, because she lied and told me all these nice things. i let her see and 'love' the most vulnerable part of myself... but... but if i'm honest... most of the upset right now is directed firmly at myself. i cannot see myself as anything other than bad at the moment. i want to rip the 'little girl' part of me out because it just hurts too much. i wish i could just stop existing. i wish i could not wake up tomorrow... i hate myself because i make the people i love hate me.
this is all very doom and gloom, but anybody who knows me knows i'm full of shit and i'm going to be happy as larry in a few days. don't worry. i'm probably not goin anywhere.