Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby"...#14
by, 10-Sep-2013 at 17:23 (311 Views)
Tuesday afternoon the 10th of September, and it is pouring rain outside.
No playing with my NERF toy guns outside.
I use them to alleviate "aggression" internal feelings.
Finished my latest Video Production for Derry, NH Community Public-Access CATV yesterday evening here @ home.
Only have to drive up to the Station/Studio in the Derry, NH Municipal Building to "drop it off".
As usual, I woke up very late in the morning.
Mutely laid in my bed staring @ the ceiling hugging "Precious", by Baby Dolly friend.
Felt "safe" between my side-safety rails.
Found myself "wishing" that "Care-A-Lot Land" where all the "Care Bears" live was real and not "make-believe".
This past weekend, I did watch one of my "Care Bears" DVD's.
I watch "Care Bears", "My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic", "Hello Kitty", and "Bear in the Big Blue House" whenever I find myself "sinking into sadness", related to Childhood Abuse/Neglect PTSD memories.
Also while lying there in my bed, dressed in nothing but my severely flooded nighttime diaper, after I set "Precious" dolly friend "aside", I did something very "awful and bad".
I "alleviated" external urogenital anatomy physiological skin touch receptor neurological sensations and expelled spermatozoa cells from my inside my body into my diaper.
I "correctly" thought internally, as my late Mother had taught me, to only think of being "locked-away forever" in a Mental Hospital and "strapped down to a bed" and "left alone forever" in a "Padded Seclusion Room".
As an Autistic handicapped person with Cerebral Palsy, all I understand is that "Spermatozoa" only "belong in my diaper", just like my pee-pee and poo-poo.
It never goes "anywhere else".
"Spermatozoa" is a "dirty" bodily waste, just like pee-pee and poo-poo.
Just like pee-pee and poo-poo, "it stays in my diaper", until I "change" my diaper to clean myself up.
I feel "very dirty inside".
I am a "very bad boy"
Me need to be "punished" for "saying about very bad thing".
"Spermatozoa" is a very bad dirty word.