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caitianx

Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby"...#14

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Tuesday afternoon the 10th of September, and it is pouring rain outside.

No playing with my NERF toy guns outside.

I use them to alleviate "aggression" internal feelings.

Finished my latest Video Production for Derry, NH Community Public-Access CATV yesterday evening here @ home.

Only have to drive up to the Station/Studio in the Derry, NH Municipal Building to "drop it off".

As usual, I woke up very late in the morning.

Mutely laid in my bed staring @ the ceiling hugging "Precious", by Baby Dolly friend.

Felt "safe" between my side-safety rails.

Found myself "wishing" that "Care-A-Lot Land" where all the "Care Bears" live was real and not "make-believe".

This past weekend, I did watch one of my "Care Bears" DVD's.

I watch "Care Bears", "My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic", "Hello Kitty", and "Bear in the Big Blue House" whenever I find myself "sinking into sadness", related to Childhood Abuse/Neglect PTSD memories.

Also while lying there in my bed, dressed in nothing but my severely flooded nighttime diaper, after I set "Precious" dolly friend "aside", I did something very "awful and bad".

I "alleviated" external urogenital anatomy physiological skin touch receptor neurological sensations and expelled spermatozoa cells from my inside my body into my diaper.

I "correctly" thought internally, as my late Mother had taught me, to only think of being "locked-away forever" in a Mental Hospital and "strapped down to a bed" and "left alone forever" in a "Padded Seclusion Room".

As an Autistic handicapped person with Cerebral Palsy, all I understand is that "Spermatozoa" only "belong in my diaper", just like my pee-pee and poo-poo.

It never goes "anywhere else".

"Spermatozoa" is a "dirty" bodily waste, just like pee-pee and poo-poo.

Just like pee-pee and poo-poo, "it stays in my diaper", until I "change" my diaper to clean myself up.

I feel "very dirty inside".

I am a "very bad boy"

Me need to be "punished" for "saying about very bad thing".

"Spermatozoa" is a very bad dirty word.
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