Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby"...#3
by, 27-Aug-2013 at 23:05 (473 Views)
Continuing where I left off...
Where my Mother got the "method" she used to "toilet train" me at Age 3, was from the Hogan-Berry School for the Feeble-Minded, a "hellhole" Institution in North Reading, Massachusetts, where she worked while dating my Father before they were married. There, in that "institution", children were "strapped down" onto toddler potty chairs or plastic pail "commodes", if they were "older" to "make them learn to be "clean and dry".
I myself at Age 55, and for many years now, since my "Adult Baby" behavior reared-up "full force", 25+ years ago have experienced extreme angry "hateful feelings" directed at the "Porcelain Hobby Horse", A.K.A. the "TOILET".
Mother ruthlessly made sure I was "out of diapers" before my youngest brother was born in 1962.
A memory for me, which is "bothersome", is that up until I was 8 years old, my Mother "never allowed me" to "clean/wash my own little wee-wee by myself".
At my age of 55, I now "recognize this" for what it really was, which is "Child Sexual Abuse".
"I HATE THE LIVING GUTS OUT OF PEDOPHILES!!!!!"
I feel so ashamed, that I, a person with Mild Autism and Mild Cerebral Palsy never was able to "stop" Mother from her doing this evil "bad touching" of my body in my early school aged years.
Going a bit forwards in time:
In Junior High School, with all the "chaos" at home caused by my Mother's untreated (or shall I say improperly treated) mental illness, whenever I was "left alone" by myself, I sneaked into my younger brother's bedroom, and I "borrowed" two tattered plush stuffed animals, "Ruffy Doggy" and "Harry Horsey", the only two plush toys my deranged Mother did not "destroy and throw away".
I mutely would take them into the bathroom and sit on the floor naked and self-rock in place, more like a stereotypical Autistic child/teenager would do.
During those times of being in a more "Severely Autistic" state, I mutely sat there and I urinated and defecated onto the floor and "sat in my own body waste products", clutching "Ruffy Doggy" and Harry Horsie" cuddle toy friends.
I should have been "diapered", but always, before my parents and younger brother returned home, I would "clean, mop, and disinfect" where I made the puddle of my own urine and pile of my own feces.
Not just through Jr High School, but also in Senior High School, as a person with Mild Autism and Mild Cerebral Palsy, I "regressed" into this "severely autistic mind state".
As an Autistic, I also did another disturbing behavior, which was "smearing my own feces" all over my hands and belly.
Usually this disturbing autistic behavior is seen in "younger" children with Autism, but "alone and in secret", I was "regressing" and doing this.
Looking back from my 55 year-old's perspective, as a Mild Autistic, perhaps I should have been "put back into diapers", and my parents should have "placed me into a straitjacket" to "stymie" these "regressed" behaviors.
Yet, it was my mentally-ill psychotic Mother who should have been "hauled away" and "locked into a straitjacket" to prevent her from murdering me and my younger NT (Neurotypical) brother.