by, 25-Aug-2013 at 17:34 (270 Views)
I originally posted this on Fetlife, but it is not a graphic or sexual story. Rather, it is the tale of how I became able to express my little side freely. This was two months ago. I've added and clarified a couple of things in this version.
I have a close friend who lives in North Carolina. Our friendship began on Facebook through mutual friends, then through text and phone conversations. We are both partnered (I am married) but being as all of us involved are varying degrees of polyamorous, that didn't much matter. We talked about everything- love, health issues, politics, sex, entertainment, music and pop culture, and became as close as can be without never having actually met. I felt so close with him that I was able to tell him that I was a diaper lover and, at the time, experimenting with being an adult baby. He was incredibly supportive and slightly indulgent, and he even told me he would be willing to try being diapered himself!
Last year I decided to sell my drum set as I've been playing guitar and singing, and he offered to buy it. Being that he lives so far away, we had to really plan his trip and make sure he had enough room in his car to bring it back home. We set a date for June and he came up, and we finally met in person. I never thought that when he left, he would be my Big Brother. I didn't know what to expect when he visited, so I made sure I had some Abena L4's ready. He arrived after midnight after a long drive and we stayed up into the wee hours of the morning. My husband was there also, they got on well too. Sleep began to overtake us, though, and so we decided to call it a day.
I went to bed diapered, holding my blanket tight. My friend stayed in the spare bedroom. Since we had just met I didn't want to wave a diaper at him, and he went to bed without one. 7 AM rolled around and I woke up, and as usual, wet my diaper in a half-awake haze. Then I remembered that he was here!
This was it... I was taking a real gamble with trust. I've NEVER been this little in front of anyone, even my husband. But, I had to try. I gathered my blankie, popped in my binkie, and shuffled into the spare bedroom. My large friend is bigger than me- I'm about 6', 275 lbs, and he is 6' 3", 370 pounds. There he was, sprawled out, asleep, with his CPAP air machine whirring softly. As I approached a little hesitantly, he looked up at me... and smiled. The look on my face was one of pure need and vulnerability. He reached out, took me in his giant arms as I climbed into bed. Wrapped me up in a warm, comforting embrace and rocked me gently back to sleep.
If there's a Heaven, I think I found it. Over the next few hours he would cradle me, whisper soothing words in my ear, rub the back of my neck, pat me gently on my diapered bottom, and snuggle me into littleness. It was a different kind of love, one that I needed desperately and didn't realize. I had never felt so protected, not since I was a child too young to remember it. We slept that way for a few hours and when I woke up, I was a fundamentally changed person.
I used to punish little me. The adult me made little me feel stupid and silly. Grow up. Be a man. Act your age. Stop being a baby. You look ridiculous with that binky in your mouth. The shame, the self-hatred, the fear, it terrified the little me and made him shrink inside to the point where he only made appearances now and then. I could be a DL, but not little. Furthermore, previous bouts of regression I have had were under duress, so I had formed negative associations when I did regress. There was only fear involved, no joy, no wonder, nothing that made me want to do it voluntarily. Well, all that changed on this sleepy Saturday morning.
Since then I haven't really been out of diapers. I've been dressing more kiddish. My general mood has improved drastically and although I still have adult responsibilities and stresses, embracing little me has done so much to help keep the adult me- which is kind of a rageaholic prick at times- in place and balanced. My husband has seen the change, he knows now of my need to be little and to express that side of me outwardly. He's so wonderful and supportive, I couldn't ask for a better soulmate. As to my friend, who I call my Big Bro, who calls me Baby Brother, I miss him. He's a 10 hour drive away and I don't know if I can get away to see him soon or vice-versa, but we talk and text often and he makes me feel safe, protected, and, well, like his Baby Brother.
And so I will remain the rest of my days.