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LilCoyote

My first blog

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A recent blog http://www.adisc.org/forum/blogs/tcw...osting-me.html that I read here on adisc brought up some memories of my youth. I was hoping that just writing it down here would help.

I built up a wall many years ago, starting when I was around 7. Disparaging comments from schoolmates. I was never good at sports so as a result, I would be the one who was chosen last for teams. Well, not even chosen, since I was last, I was defaulted to the team who had the less people. Very sad when I heard the groans from the team who ended up getting me.

During physical education in school, we would be playing baseball. I would always be placed in a safe position, the outfield. When it was our team's turn at bat, I would try to keep from having to bat. You see, I could never see the pitched ball so my hitting was terrible. Once, the teacher saw me trying to keep from being picked to bat and said I was next up. The groans from my team was disheartening.

Bullying and teasing by 2 older girls in the second and third grade made be apprehensive around all females. Of course, the bullying stopped, not by me doing anything, as I was always told that you never hit girls. Instead my mom got wind of the bullying and she talked with the school, who talked to the girls parents. I was happy that the bullying stopped but then again, I couldn't even get it to stop myself

Of course, the apprehension around women continued into adulthood. Hard to date when you are feeling this way. I have been progressing in getting over the social anxiety and maybe some day I will be able to find someone to be close to

I think that the above is why I have the AB feelings that I do. When I do regress, it is usually to a time before seven years of age.

Updated 27-Aug-2013 at 03:11 by LilCoyote

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Comments

  1. kerry's Avatar
    Children can be very cruel. I know these memories; I have forms of them as well, and I'm sorry that you do. And no one--no one--should ever try to say that girls can't be every bit as nasty as boys. Sometimes they can be worse...because, as girls, they get away with it more easily.
  2. Strontium's Avatar
    I know these feelings too and they are not that dissimilar from my perspective (I feel anxiety and threatened around men), the work I'm doing with my therapist has made me realise that we can all be prejudiced by the people that have hurt us in the past and this then effects the future relationships we form.

    Its great that you are working towards breaking the social anxiety that traps us on our own and I hope it helps to realise you are not alone when having to deal with these issues.
  3. Marka's Avatar
    I too have my experiences with being the default...never chosen, in fact it was the default crowd that I was in...we weren't together out of any of our choosing...we were together, because there wasn't any other choice...short of being completely alone. 11hinzvic, I wonder if you might point us to the blog that inspired you to speak here?? Please, and thank you! -Marka
  4. LilCoyote's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by Marka
    I too have my experiences with being the default...never chosen, in fact it was the default crowd that I was in...we weren't together out of any of our choosing...we were together, because there wasn't any other choice...short of being completely alone. 11hinzvic, I wonder if you might point us to the blog that inspired you to speak here?? Please, and thank you! -Marka
    Thanks, everyone for responding.

    Marka, Here is the link and I also added the link to my blog post.

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/blogs/tcw...osting-me.html
  5. Marka's Avatar
    11hinzvic,
    Thank you for the link...I'm just now discovering it...2-days later! Apologies! -Marka
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