My first blog
by, 25-Aug-2013 at 04:17 (500 Views)
A recent blog http://www.adisc.org/forum/blogs/tcw...osting-me.html that I read here on adisc brought up some memories of my youth. I was hoping that just writing it down here would help.
I built up a wall many years ago, starting when I was around 7. Disparaging comments from schoolmates. I was never good at sports so as a result, I would be the one who was chosen last for teams. Well, not even chosen, since I was last, I was defaulted to the team who had the less people. Very sad when I heard the groans from the team who ended up getting me.
During physical education in school, we would be playing baseball. I would always be placed in a safe position, the outfield. When it was our team's turn at bat, I would try to keep from having to bat. You see, I could never see the pitched ball so my hitting was terrible. Once, the teacher saw me trying to keep from being picked to bat and said I was next up. The groans from my team was disheartening.
Bullying and teasing by 2 older girls in the second and third grade made be apprehensive around all females. Of course, the bullying stopped, not by me doing anything, as I was always told that you never hit girls. Instead my mom got wind of the bullying and she talked with the school, who talked to the girls parents. I was happy that the bullying stopped but then again, I couldn't even get it to stop myself
Of course, the apprehension around women continued into adulthood. Hard to date when you are feeling this way. I have been progressing in getting over the social anxiety and maybe some day I will be able to find someone to be close to
I think that the above is why I have the AB feelings that I do. When I do regress, it is usually to a time before seven years of age.