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caitianx

First AB/DL Weblog Posting from me...

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For me, this is my first posting in an AB/DL Weblog forum.

Here it is the "weekend", and an Autism & Cerebral Palsy 55 year-old "Adult Baby" again has nobody to play with, who shares my "juvenile" interest in playing "NERF WAR" in my back yard.

Growing up, because my late Mom was mentally-ill and psychotic, nobody my own age ever came over to "play with me" during my childhood years.

Only time others of my own age showed interest in me, was to simply ruthlessly harass and bully me.

Is there such a thing as "playmates and friends"?

A very difficult question for me to answer, since the concept of "playmates and friends" has never really registered with me until recently, when for the first time in my life, I have been finding, that internally, I am "missing something", which I should have had in my own "real" childhood, that "I never had".

I have been trying to "set up" a date for a massive NERF WAR in my back yard with other Autistic Guys I know who are video gamers, but it seems they are all pre-occupied with other things.

It seems, that nobody has any time" to play.

Only time I had a NERF WAR with anybody, was earlier this month at AUTREAT 2013, with one other Autistic adult and 2 Autistic pre-teen boys.

Growing up in my "real" childhood decades ago, I was always "ostracized and excluded" and never made any friends.

Anyway, "What is Friendship?", and "What is a Friend?".
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  1. kerry's Avatar
    You ask a couple of amazingly key questions. I don't think that one needs to grow up with autism and CP and a psychotic mom to realize that the answer is difficult to discover. I am pretty sure I have it, but at the same time I've spent much of my lifetime searching for it, so not everything I believe may be the perfect truth.

    See, the problem with me is the Wall (yes, I capitalize it in my mind) that I built within myself early in my life to prevent anyone from discovering my Secret (another capital). I knew that I was a little girl, but I also knew what would happen if anyone else ever found out. I mean they already bullied and beat me enough and they thought I was a boy. So imagine. So up went the Wall, and no one could really get close enough to know me well enough to figure it out. Not even my siblings. Not even my parents. I just did not share myself. And the serious downside of that, I discovered much later, is that friends share themselves. Without the willingness to do so, it's pretty much impossible to make a real friend.

    After my transition, after I tore down that Wall, I tried to make real friends. However, I discovered that I had simply never learned the social skills needed to do so because I had spent my whole life hiding away from them. To my chagrin, now that I really wanted to, I simply couldn't do it.

    Oh well.

    But I still think I understand the nature of what friendship is. It does begin, as I said, with sharing, but it is so much more than that. The bond between friends is one that means that they truly care about the events of each others' lives. They care about each others' families, joys and pains, and they share in the happiness and the sorrow, provide support when it is needed and laughter as much as the universe allows. Friendship is a bond that unites people who may or may not share common characteristics, but who have been brought together for some reason and have discovered that they enjoy each others' company. It takes some time to forge and has to be nurtured, but it does last.

    A true friend supports you no matter what happens. He's the one who laughs at your stupidest jokes. She is willing to drop everything and come over if you need her or give you a ride when your car breaks down. He listens to you when life is falling apart even when he'd rather be watching the football game. She brings meals to your house when you are ill. He smiles and engages with your children when they are being annoying while he's visiting. She doesn't expect anything in return when she does you a favor.

    Friends are the ones you can call when you have last-minute tickets to the ballgame and they will drop everything and join you and you'll all have the greatest time. Friends are the ones who stay at your house until it's way too late because no one wants the party to end. Or they are the ones who know when it's time to leave because you're getting tired.

    Friends are something I have. But the kind of deep friendships I have described? I can only dream about those.
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