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Blog #10 Woo is me.

Rating: 3 votes, 5.00 average.

The following is a self therapy piece. I intend to let out some venom, state my feelings, and just do some grounding.

So if there is personal objections to this kind posting, please leave and go to another posting. Thank you for dropping by.

OK are they gone?

Now for poor little me.

I have been feeling like crap lately and I need to do my therapy, for me writing things down is helpful.

The one part of late summer/ early fall and spring that I hate is the weather transition which causes the molds to bloom. My allergies are dragging me down so bad I feel useless. It is all I can do just to get up and move. I am just able to work for about and hour then I am "sick" and have to take care of it. Even though the meds do not cause drowsiness the synergistic effects of the combination does. The Dr. know about it and they just tell me to live through it, and they are right. Of course I always get the good "stuff" that there is no allergy shots for and I am just stuck. With my clinical depression the feeling of uselessness is amplified exponentially.

So in my down times I work on grounding techniques to stop beating myself up for the lack of production. I have a very ridged mind set that also causes a lot of my problems. I organize everything to death and loose site of what I can and can not do in one day. So i am my own worst enemy especially with my to do lists.

So I am always looking to talk to friends and just chill. That is therapeutic in and of its own. That is one of the reason I joined this site. The "friendship" part is an added benefit from coming here to learn about the AB/DL lifestyle. There are some people that I have on my friend list and there are others that I look at their postings and blogs and always get good advice from what they share with others. That's the way it should work after all we are a support group.

However, there has been some things that I have been very surprised about over the last week or so. I am seeing a lot of people being band and some I do not know why and others that I most certainly do (I filler a report on one). I totally understand that every one is different and everyone has there opinion. It amazes me that we can have this many people from so many different geographical/social/political areas and only have the few spats that do occur. (I would like to take this time to thank MOO and the staff for the hard work they do to keep this site this way)

On Blog recently asked people if you are my friend then be my friend or something like that. I did not respond and I was not sure what meant. Well I do now. I have sent messages to people that have asked for friends and I got friends.

There was another thread that also asked what is a friend? I did not answer that until now.
A friend is someone that will stop and listen to a friend and not judge the other person until the time is required. A friend is someone that responds to a call, letter or gesture as soon as possible. If there is a difference between the two it is discussed politely and the boundaries that are set are respected. If the friendship makes you uncomfortably then you politely explain why and part.

I have asked people here to be my friends and then they leave. I do not know why but it hurts to have friends just go away. Then I have some that we have talked and now they do not answer my PM. IF I have said something wrong or there is just to much of an gap between our interests then please answer my PM's and tell me as much.

Now to tie into another aspect that has been discussed in a few spots.

Yes I have a mental illness and I am different from other people. It is of my opinion that if I say I have a problem it is not to use it as a badge but to even the playing field. If I start acting "stand offish" or irritated it is not that I am mad at you. It means that I am becoming overwhelmed with incoming stimulus and entering a problem area. My TRUE friends know this and ask me if I need to step out for a minute. That usually helps me focus and reboot. I am not telling everyone I have an illness as a means for sympathy or special treatment but to educate the people around me so that I do not get the behind my back whispers and second hand comments that really "piss me off".

For people that take offense to this or do not understand why people on this site do it. On one hand I am glad you do not know why this happens. I wish I was "normal" and did not have to do it. On the other hand, Tough!!!. If you had to deal with the eye rolls, the whispers, the giggles as people walk away, you would understand the anger and embarrassing feelings of being the butt of inconsiderate peoples jokes.

It is hard for me to get people that I can really talk to and I am always looking for friends that I can relate to and share adventures with. I understand that people move and friendships get lost, but if I am give a means to communicate with you and you refuse of ignore the requests for a "what is up?" this is hurtful to me.

I understand that I am a chatter box and can go off on tangents, but it is still nice to be respected with at least a response of "Cant talk now", or I am sorry but I will not be able to talk anymore. I do understand.

I can count my true best friends on both hands, however I feel like a "black widow" because all but two of my best friends have past away from cancer or heart problems.

So I hold friendship in a very strong meaning in my life.

Well I have probably said to much, and I hope people understand. If you would like something clarified, please ask me and I will respond an soon as I am on line again.

For the main purpose of this blog it has worked. I feel free from the burden of my thoughts. When I come back in a few hours and re read this I am sure I will have to laugh, but for now it helped.

Thank you for your time if you have endured and read this all the way through. You are probably a true friend to someone some were.



  1. kennyrallen's Avatar
    Seems a lot of us who have clinical depression have been on the down side lately.

    Because we have Mental Illnesses does not been we are less than any one else. We do have a problem making friends, some times because we may be to couscous at not wanting to be hurt. In the life out here I have had only about 5 Real friends my whole life.

    Friends are the ones who stand be hind you no matter what. The other one are just people we know.

    I know you have been reading my post as well and I thank you for that.
  2. Marka's Avatar
    Thank you egor!
    I think that you articulated very well here...and I appreciate how you addressed some of these issues, without being particularly defensive...even though you probably do feel defensive! I can't give you a plus rep here (it's not available) else I would. I will however give you a high Rate for this entry, and encourage others to do the same...I only recently discovered or remembered that this option is available in the blogs...

    There's a lot more that I would like to go into here, but I have a bad habit of not getting back to things...and I have to get going...

    Your expression here really humanizes aspects of various conditions that many people face...I would compare it to a recent documentary, and subsequent speaking from one of those interviewed in particular... "Wolf Dunaway"

    I hope that you, and many others will watch this documentary and understand things from some unique perspectives!

    A 4-year-old, a teenager and an adult, all on the autism spectrum and at pivotal moments in their lives, work with their perceptual and behavioral differences in a "neurotypical" world.
    Documentary ‘Neurotypical’

    I think that much of the take-a-way from this can be applied to numerous other 'handi-caps', not just Autism, more specifically here, ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) ...we have much to learn...

    Best regards,
    Keep on keep'n on!
  3. littlelodgewrecker's Avatar
    i read it, Egor...
    it's not so much a testament to my endurance as it is to my interest... in you.

    i would only say that as much as you seem to be a fellow of many words (and the ability to place them on some form of media), there are folks such as myself for who writing in any form is sort-of like pulling teeth. which is to say that where i (or them) may want to talk, i (or them) may not be able to write for a plethora of reasons (had thought of using bevy.... grin), loss of muse, migraines, just plain wore out or bone tired.... (not gonna say old age).

    and then of course, i have a friend (sister) who i suspect feels that she is less-important or somehow that her life is of little interest... or even a failure, and that may be why she doesn't talk much. but in empathy and trying to walk a good old mile in her shoes, i will give her a bit of space and then do what i do best! be a "bugs" and bugs her until she answers....

    just as i have my problems that i can't very well explain to others who haven't experienced them first-hand; so too do my friends have their own problems that i bloody well hope in my 59 yeas i have gleamed enough experience to somehow naturally know how to deal with....
    OCD, low-self-esteem, DID/MPD, autism-spectrum, child-abuse, the old stand-by of "i was born in the wrong body" Dr... or just bloody bad health and no help.....

    if i want empathy, i must be empathetic first. of course it doesn't hurt to have been taking enough estrogen every day to gag a mare the last 30 years..... (smile)

    lodge wrecker
    (offers the friendly "finger of destiny" to my sister Marka)
  4. egor's Avatar
    Thank you every one.

    Like I said I will come back and laugh at this. Even with spell check there is still some errors that got past me. i.e. On instead of One and of instead of or.

    Thank you lodge wrecker I feel like I am doing magic. Writing is very hard for me. My spelling sucks and I am never 100% sure I have the grammar correct. Then I will not go into the "rules". I never have been able to keep them straight.
    I have a short story that I am working on in the stories in progress, and I am still not comfortable if I am doing it right.

    Going to the point I was attempting to make.

    I have gotten help from two people. I talked to them and boundaries are set and we have moved on. I do have another person picked out that when I am finished I will ask her to do her thing to it then I will go through and correct the errors. There again I struggle with the formats of the site so I do some hock-us pock-us with the thread to get things into a format that works for me. I know it creates work for Tripped but it is how I must operate to do the task.

    But as for the treads that have been posted,
    Yes format needs to be followed.
    If one is talented with the gift of writing then a "friendly" hand should be offered to those less skilled.
    If you are going to write a story then you need to be able to at least write clearly. However, 1) accept help 2) the help need to be encouraging not disrespectful and hurtful.
    This is a support group, not the literary guild. If you want perfection then go to a spot for writers. However if you are going to write here, we are over 18 and should have a 6th grade writing/reading skill. In short the writer has to show the reader respect and write accordingly.
    Remember your story is of interest to you, but it may not be of interest to me. This is OK. I like Westerns, do not show me a romance or mystery. This is OK. We have differences. The people that have offered me help have said as much about my story. I went through and read theirs and the same was true for me. We talked, we moved on and life is good.

    So anyway I am rambling.

    Thank you for the friendly HI, I read the blog, I like or dislike point X. We are all good. I just needed some therapy time.

    See you all in the Forums.
  5. Adventurer's Avatar
    Egor, you said it very well. I've also been bothered lately by some of the attitudes towards others on here. Disability or not, everyone has a right to be loved and cared about, just as they are. True friends can be hard to come by, but they're out there, as I'm sure you know. So thank you for sharing your thoughts - they're something I think everyone needs to be reminded of sometimes. Before you judge someone, especially on an online forum, stop and consider what may be going on that you can't see.

    Thanks for a great post! - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.