Blog #10 Woo is me.
by, 09-Aug-2013 at 22:53 (1827 Views)
The following is a self therapy piece. I intend to let out some venom, state my feelings, and just do some grounding.
So if there is personal objections to this kind posting, please leave and go to another posting. Thank you for dropping by.
OK are they gone?
Now for poor little me.
I have been feeling like crap lately and I need to do my therapy, for me writing things down is helpful.
The one part of late summer/ early fall and spring that I hate is the weather transition which causes the molds to bloom. My allergies are dragging me down so bad I feel useless. It is all I can do just to get up and move. I am just able to work for about and hour then I am "sick" and have to take care of it. Even though the meds do not cause drowsiness the synergistic effects of the combination does. The Dr. know about it and they just tell me to live through it, and they are right. Of course I always get the good "stuff" that there is no allergy shots for and I am just stuck. With my clinical depression the feeling of uselessness is amplified exponentially.
So in my down times I work on grounding techniques to stop beating myself up for the lack of production. I have a very ridged mind set that also causes a lot of my problems. I organize everything to death and loose site of what I can and can not do in one day. So i am my own worst enemy especially with my to do lists.
So I am always looking to talk to friends and just chill. That is therapeutic in and of its own. That is one of the reason I joined this site. The "friendship" part is an added benefit from coming here to learn about the AB/DL lifestyle. There are some people that I have on my friend list and there are others that I look at their postings and blogs and always get good advice from what they share with others. That's the way it should work after all we are a support group.
However, there has been some things that I have been very surprised about over the last week or so. I am seeing a lot of people being band and some I do not know why and others that I most certainly do (I filler a report on one). I totally understand that every one is different and everyone has there opinion. It amazes me that we can have this many people from so many different geographical/social/political areas and only have the few spats that do occur. (I would like to take this time to thank MOO and the staff for the hard work they do to keep this site this way)
On Blog recently asked people if you are my friend then be my friend or something like that. I did not respond and I was not sure what meant. Well I do now. I have sent messages to people that have asked for friends and I got friends.
There was another thread that also asked what is a friend? I did not answer that until now.
A friend is someone that will stop and listen to a friend and not judge the other person until the time is required. A friend is someone that responds to a call, letter or gesture as soon as possible. If there is a difference between the two it is discussed politely and the boundaries that are set are respected. If the friendship makes you uncomfortably then you politely explain why and part.
I have asked people here to be my friends and then they leave. I do not know why but it hurts to have friends just go away. Then I have some that we have talked and now they do not answer my PM. IF I have said something wrong or there is just to much of an gap between our interests then please answer my PM's and tell me as much.
Now to tie into another aspect that has been discussed in a few spots.
Yes I have a mental illness and I am different from other people. It is of my opinion that if I say I have a problem it is not to use it as a badge but to even the playing field. If I start acting "stand offish" or irritated it is not that I am mad at you. It means that I am becoming overwhelmed with incoming stimulus and entering a problem area. My TRUE friends know this and ask me if I need to step out for a minute. That usually helps me focus and reboot. I am not telling everyone I have an illness as a means for sympathy or special treatment but to educate the people around me so that I do not get the behind my back whispers and second hand comments that really "piss me off".
For people that take offense to this or do not understand why people on this site do it. On one hand I am glad you do not know why this happens. I wish I was "normal" and did not have to do it. On the other hand, Tough!!!. If you had to deal with the eye rolls, the whispers, the giggles as people walk away, you would understand the anger and embarrassing feelings of being the butt of inconsiderate peoples jokes.
It is hard for me to get people that I can really talk to and I am always looking for friends that I can relate to and share adventures with. I understand that people move and friendships get lost, but if I am give a means to communicate with you and you refuse of ignore the requests for a "what is up?" this is hurtful to me.
I understand that I am a chatter box and can go off on tangents, but it is still nice to be respected with at least a response of "Cant talk now", or I am sorry but I will not be able to talk anymore. I do understand.
I can count my true best friends on both hands, however I feel like a "black widow" because all but two of my best friends have past away from cancer or heart problems.
So I hold friendship in a very strong meaning in my life.
Well I have probably said to much, and I hope people understand. If you would like something clarified, please ask me and I will respond an soon as I am on line again.
For the main purpose of this blog it has worked. I feel free from the burden of my thoughts. When I come back in a few hours and re read this I am sure I will have to laugh, but for now it helped.
Thank you for your time if you have endured and read this all the way through. You are probably a true friend to someone some were.