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Red Dress Lady: An unconventional Poem

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Red dress lady
Mysterious and quiet
You never said a word

I laid my body on yours
In the middle of the street
Your red dress reflects the street lamp's glow

I kissed you
Softly but in desperation
Your kisses as sticky as summer asphalt

We arrived there as children
We left as adults
Experiencing you haunts me

Please let me go


  1. ilostthesheriff's Avatar
    I welcome interpretation, critisism, or comments.
  2. ade's Avatar
    hard to know what to say without seeming/being hurtful, so i'll start with an interpretation: the experience of losing one's virginity.
    and not to single you out, but i usually hate other people's poetry, no matter how good or what their reputation be: like, i think that the Iliad is crap and boring; but maybe that's supposed to be performed, rather than read, and that's why it seems lifeless.
    with that, a criticism i offer is that your poem needs a bit of colour to catch the eye and a rich depth hold it.
    oh, and a bit of structured flow, too

    i'm demanding, i know.
  3. ilostthesheriff's Avatar

    i'm demanding, i know.
    Whew! You sure are!

    Could you point me to a well written poem? I know nothing about poetry and would like to read examples of critic favorites.
  4. ade's Avatar
    alas.....okay, let me see...
    first, here's one of mine; one of my faves, although i don't know what others think of it, and one which, by memory, seems to be a lot longer than as is written (probably because of the research involved; and that i have three different endings to suit different audiences):

    Aye, Miss Clipper, tha were a dainty wee lass,
    Virginally dressed as an age was to pass.
    Resplendently restive, as filly should be,
    Scorning of colt, 'tis time for tea.

    With arm afore be, forever to chase,
    A tail before thee, nay slacken o' pace.
    Oh, Nannie, Nannie, o' cauldron o' tea,
    Hoick up thy skirts and skim o'er t' sea.

    performance-wise, i tried to ensure that it could be spoken in any of the 'northern english' accents (inc. the Celtic).
    the underlying structure is primarily double-layered as it deals with the Cutty Sark and the story behind the naming of it and it took a bit of thought to keep it a simple, swift story as would be engaging for a casual reader/listener whilst still including the essential references for those looking deeper.
    it's actually enjoyable to perform, as it rolls of the tongue, without having to read anything more into it.

    other people's poems? well, performance being a needed part, there's actually a lot of good wordsmiths behind many pop-songs, and a constant theme amongst thoughtful writers is that of having a traditional story-line, along with that foot-tapping quality that makes people want to listen. the bread and the circus, no less.
    if i were to vouch for one, one who always springs to mind is Sam Cooke, for the traditional approach; but there are many more and most you probably don't think about in terms of their lyrics.
    Paul Heaton, of The Housemartins and The Beautiful South, consistantly delivered with new takes on old themes: The Beautiful South - Let Love Speak Up Itself - YouTube

    i also enjoy Victoria Wood, Victoria Wood - Let's Do It - YouTube , and Pam Ayres, Pam Ayres - They Should Have Asked My Husband.mpg - YouTube

    my current most fulfilling read along these lines is The Proverbs of John Heywood and you can see some 'critique' on the wiki page. but, critics are usually just pretenders and failures, either so up their own arses or so clueless that they dismiss the likes-of-which i've mentioned simply on the class-inspired belief that the common touch is for the 'lesser' commoners. as Julian Sharman's introduction to aforesaid Proverbs points out:
    The traditions of old Saxon literature
    had never been obliterated by rust
    or utterly defaced by invasion; even
    after the toll of the curfew, there yet
    lingered round the Saxon embers the
    homely folk-speech of Jutes and Angles. But the
    hidden graces of that English tongue no English
    Aristotle had attempted to uncover. No earlier
    Erasmus had arisen to restore the gems of speech
    and learning ; no English Quintilian to knit the
    scattered threads of idiom together. Everywhere
    where the English independence was subjected, was
    the English language as effectually despised.

    which has it's own poetic quality. and as the political situation and the passing of time influence all things, my suggestion would be for you to begin with that which is most accessible to you: contemporary pop music and comedy.
    and you'll find that a lot of modern stuff is inspired by, or a re-working of, the so-called classics; which'll be a lead, if you so wish.

    and, in particular, a neat format used by many comedy performers is that of the 'story-loop' (where the ending feeds back into the begining), because there's nothing more farcically comical, or truer, than our running our arses off only to find ourselves back where we started from.

    and for you to compare the written and the spoken form:

    (excuse the pics: it wouldn't accept audio uploads)

    hope that's some help, at least. and you'll know when you've done a corking job because it's the same sense of satisfaction as with having done anything well. and it won't matter what anybody else thinks
  5. ilostthesheriff's Avatar
    Thanks! This is quite a well written response and took some obvious time! You have a way with words as displayed in your own poem of the ship. I enjoyed the Cohen one as well and had a chuckle at it's clever and unexpected humor. As I am getting older my interest in them is gaining momentum.

    Mine was about a dream I had a few years ago and the reality haunts me occasionally. It wasn't about the loss of virginity but rather how 'playfully' we got there and the sad way that we had to part ways as the sun was coming up. It isn't as provocative as it let's on to be. This scene in the dream lasted only a few seconds. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.