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hti24

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I've spent almost nine years trying to delineate my fascination with diapers. Now, as I sit here in a wet Lille diaper with Game 6 of the NBA Finals on in the background, I think it's time that I start committing thoughts to paper. Or to computer. Can you commit thoughts to computer? Anyway, it's time to write.

The Lille, which I've been wearing since dinnertime, is soaked. I love when diapers get like this, so wet that my hips do more to keep them on me than the actual tapes. I bought these diapers on Saturday, when I finally visited the local medical supply store and emerged with a bag each of Lilles and Abena M4s. I've been diapered almost non-stop since Friday, when I walked in the door after an excruciating week at work and simply said to myself, "I need to be diapered." My roommate, rather graciously, spent most of the weekend out of town, which made it easier for me to wear. And wear I did: diaper after diaper filled the garbage can in my room until finally, reluctantly, I threw them all out. Usually that would be that--I'll sometimes go months without wearing even once after a diapered weekend--but tonight, with the house to myself yet again, I decided to keep the momentum going. I love these new Lilles: they ride high up my back, absorb a lot of liquid, and make almost no noise. I'd fall asleep with it on were it not for the risk of diaper rash. But that's what new diapers are for...right?

Next month is my nine-year anniversary of wearing diapers. But that first time wearing was really the culmination of a virtual lifetime of yearning to wear diapers again. The urges started when I was three, peaked again in high school, and then built throughout university. By the end of undergrad I was wearing and wetting panties and pads...but despite a 4.0 GPA I couldn't connect the dots between the panties and the pads and those urges from childhood. One day, finally, I did--and I've been wearing diapers ever since. I wish that that were the end of it, wish that I could be satisfied with admitting that I like to wear diapers (which I do...oh, I do) and not having to worry about what it all means. Alas, I've been cursed with an over-analytical mind--and so tonight I'm beginning to examine my diaper love with the hopes it'll help me understand why, exactly, I like wearing these things.

The basketball game's over and it's time to get ready for bed. I'll keep wearing the Lille a while longer until it's time to change into a fresh diaper; my underwear drawer's turned into a diaper drawer, and I think I'll fall asleep tonight wearing an M4. I'm excited to begin this exploration--and hopeful that at least a few of you will be along for the ride.
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Comments

  1. Cottontail's Avatar
    I often amuse myself by wondering about this -- the why. Particularly if, like me, you regard your childhood as having been a wonderful experience, it might be harder to guess at the sorts of things that led to your diaper attachment. Really, the answers to these questions are going to have to come from years of hard research involving many study participants.

    As AB/DL's, I think we've all heard the "transitional object" theory and other theories that connect these things to abusive childhoods, jealousy over treatment of siblings, forceful potty training, etc. There's more than enough of this stuff to fuel a lifetime of unproductive guesswork, but given that each of these things is also something experienced by millions of non-AB/DL's, I'm inclined to think that there is a good deal of "dark matter" in the AB/DL universe -- perhaps genetically-rooted psychological predispositions to developing these sorts of attachments in situations where others would not have.

    But, in the end, I have no idea!
  2. kennyrallen's Avatar
    You might come of with the meaning of life before you understand your feelings for diapers. The best that I came up with is that they are just part of who we are. You may never know way, so just enjoy them.
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