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Calliope

I din't know if this is a right place, but..

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I thought anyone around me wouldn't understand what I feel right now. No, I'm not having a hard life like being kicked out by parents or they died or something.

I'm just having a high-expectation parents (asian, yeah right) and I can't do things that probably could make them proud. They worked really hard since they were children but I hate it that I can't be a smart person as they expected. I have 2 older brothers, one of them is currently studying in Hong Kong and he is smart and so on and so on.. and the other one.. He has autism because he fell from the bed when he was 9 months old. The problem is, I HATE him. For me, he's just a burden to my family. Breaking stuffs, spit everywhere, always took the saved food in the house, shouting and shit, I know I should love him and take care of him, but I couldn't. I always feel like a bad person.

My younger brother, he has dystonia. I went to the other side of the earth, US, 2 years ago with my family, and most of the reasons is to take him to a doctor in somewhere in Florida (I forgot the city's name -__- the city where University of Florida is there). The doctor suggested him a lot of treatments and drugs and a brain surgery but he couldn't stand it because he also has gastritis. My parents are too afraid of brain surgery.

I don't really have any close friend. My best friend went to US 4 years ago as a illegal immigrant. I found myself got depressed since then (that i still don't know why); crying all day long and stuff. Sometimes it even cause me a migrain. Pets are not allowed either in my house although I wish I can get a puppy. The only person who I can talk to is my bf, but our places are separated pretty far. Therefore when he's not with me, I feel lonely.
He introduced me to AB DL things, but I can't actually practice them at home because it's just too crowded.

Ah well, I'm sorry I wasted your time for reading this. It's just that I want to write.. Anyway, I'm having my very last biology and chemistry test before the high school examination. Gotta be studyin Lol
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Comments

  1. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    I hope life gets better for you.. it seems like you have a lot going on right now. I'm sure that it will, but I hope it happens sooner rather then later. I don't think you seem like a bad person at all though.
  2. daLira's Avatar
    I'm sorry, this sounds really troublesome. Maybe it would be a good idea to be on your own, as soon as possible? Getting an apartment with your bf, if you can spare the money somehow.

    Anyway, good luck for the biology and chemistry test!
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