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Corri

Human Kindness, is over flowin...

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So, apparently the gods of chance do not like me.
Within the last two weeks, two people who are friends, not good friends were killed. I’m mourning, but it’s not a crushing blow. However, what is crushing my spirit a bit is the darkness it has plunged my school into. A lot of the teachers can barely make it through their classes without having to stop and look away from us. There’s no small chit-chat around the cafeteria, and… this is what bothers me. I’m trying to keep the spirit up, being friendly to everyone, smiling and waving to students I never even talk to. It does little.
More so, my dad is getting to be that way again… even more severe this time..
He took my ****ing bedroom door! “I violated his no locked doors rule and stayed up late on the computer” My stepmother did not take me to school today… or decided against it because I woke up ten minutes late. My step mother is no help, she adds to it by coming up with the ideas to “help me”. My biological mother… ughh… Not teaching her 4 year old how to identify letters, write his name, or even basic colors. He’s five as of two weeks ago. He can barely speak, does not know his positional relationships (beside, on top, together), hardly knows his colors, and has a vague understanding of the alphabet. I really hope that he does have a problem, and it’s not negligence.
Being told you’ll die out in the real world hurts…. Even more so if you know you can make it.
This weekend I went away to Grif’s apartment. My god…. It felt wonderful to be with that much independence!
I felt my age for once… I liked it… able to make my own decisions without my parent’s repercussions…working solely on my judgment. It was nice, I proved to myself that I can avoid getting out of hand, and make good decisions despite what my father, and step mother have to say.
This adds to my distainment, I know am not this “asshat kid” Yes, I’ve been called that after putting up a fight to something I did not do, and was still punished for.
I turn 18, on November 12th. Then, I can actually say… **** you… Without them calling the cops on me again.
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Comments

  1. FluffyFluffers's Avatar
    Yay the 18 part
    sorry about the 2 kids man.
  2. skinnypuppy's Avatar
    Where to start....ok, a list:
    good parts --
    1. trying to keep spirits up in school
    2. turning 18 in 5 weeks
    3. getting to feel your independence
    not-so-good parts --
    4. father abusive, not a new thing
    5. stepmother not supportive
    6. bio.mother not supportive, and brother has problems.
    1.5 school reactions negative or indifferent
    7. have I missed something ?

    I am saddened that you've lost the two schoolmates, that must have been hard for everybody to take. Your actions now to attempt to get the school back on track are good, and must be taking a lot of effort on your part to keep positive. It's good that you can do that, and I hope it catches on.

    You're almost 18, wow. Good things can happen now, and all under your own control. You have a lot to look forward to, and lots of hard work to make your life what YOU want it to be, not someone else's pessimistic predictions. Downside: it really sucks that you miss out on voting in this presidential election by EIGHT DAYS !!!

    You occasionally get to be away from the family prison for a few days, and it must feel really good to be in your own space without the negative auras around. I'm happy for you that you get the opportunity. Make it work, and maybe even more often

    Your father sounds like a real control freak, and not very nice. It won't be long now that you don't have to take as much of the abuse as you have suffered up to now. But as long as you're in his house, there will be certain rules he can impose, and he still can call the cops for physical confrontations or erratic behavior. They can't do as much about verbal abuse on either side, though, once you become a legal adult.

    I wonder if your stepmother's actions around you and her unhelpful attitude isn't a result of some form of the same abuse you suffer, being just her defense mechanism and abuse avoidance.

    From what you describe about your natural mother and her 5-year-old son (your brother? half-brother?) I'd worry about abuse and neglect there too. Once you turn 18, you might consider contacting Social Services (or whatever it's called in your locale) because there might be issues of neglect or developmental difficulties. Either way, they are equipped and probably mandated to provide some sort of help (usually without cost). You can do some good there.

    1.5 Back to the school thing: I wonder if some in your school might see your positive cheerful attitude as dissing the deaths of the two fellow students ? I know there's a line there somewhere, and you have to be careful about crossing it.

    Drew, I know I haven't been close to following your path through adisc and your life, so if I have missed something or misinterpreted what you said in some way because I don't have all of your past history right, I apologize. Bottom line: I hope things work out for you and everybody around you.
  3. Corri's Avatar
    No you just about hit it on the head Skinnypuppy.
    That's it... there is no abuse on my mother's side.. no neglect either... I asked around it is possible that my brother may have a developmental disorder.
  4. skinnypuppy's Avatar
    If your mom hasn't contacted anyone about your brother's condition and/or lack of mental development, she should be encouraged to do that. The longer it's not worked on, the harder it will be for him to integrate into society.

    Where I am, the Department of Social Services handles that task. It's usually free. The agency may have a different name where you are, but the mission will be the same or similar.
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