ABDL: Open vs. Closed
by, 21-Mar-2013 at 21:32 (2005 Views)
Let me tell you all a little story. Forgive the prologue.
Throughout my latter childhood and early adulthood I have had the wonderful fortitude of being surrounded by people who are incredibly open-minded. Pretty much every true friend I've had in my everyday life I've felt I can trust with sharing the knowledge of my ABDL tendencies. I've not told all of those I've befriended. However, I have told a significant amount of friends over the years. All of them, bar none, have been incredibly understanding. Many of them showing genuine interest. Some going as far as to share their own kinky secrets with me, to which I feel honoured.
I believe that ABDL is a part of me, but by no means the most significant part of me. To believe that, would be to invite it to swallow my personality and character whole. But, it is a part of me I have long since accepted nonetheless. So, to understand and be close to me fully, I feel truly great friends deserve to know as much of the real me as functionally possible. How much I tell them is dependent on where their own personal limits lie. A personal choice, down to me to construct and subtly manipulate as I see fit. In a nutshell: it depends person to person.
A few weeks ago I had this choice taken away from me. And, might I add, for the first time.
I find prospective friend's personal limits are constructed from their personal preconceptions of what ABDL is, mixed with their own fears. Additionally, I have discovered that because people's exposure to ABDL is usually so very limited, it is easy to talk to them at length and guide them through how I, as a unique individual on this earth, perceive ABDL. This way, without fail, they have always understood my reasoning, my mentality and come away from the conversation feeling like they've been allowed a peek into something quite special and personal to me.
Two weeks ago, I was out drinking with a new-ish friend. She's a college buddy, one who's open-minded, bubbly and intelligent. She knows I'm gay, and we'd been swapping personal stories for most of the evening. Getting to know each other a lot better which is one of my favourite past-times - new people are exciting! We'd both brought up sex at different points of the evening. And both hinting at the marvelously wonderful and diverse world of kink - at this point I am 100% sure she is kinky in some way and vice versa - I'm sure she knows that I am too.
We continue to get drunker to the point that she comes back to mine and the subject is broached again. She's desperately trying to pry my secret from me, but to no avail. I'm playing hard to get. And then she says something that sends be reeling, "As long as you're not one of those fucking creepy adult babies." I've never heard anyone say anything like that to me before. And then I press her and make her think I might be, double bluffing into making it look like an obvious joke and she says,"Me and [BF] watched that fucking awful documentary, what's it called...", at which point I chime in, "15 Stone Babies". "That's the one! I watched it all the way through, I've never been more disturbed in my life."
The most horrific thing is that, I stood there agreeing with her. Not just verbally agreeing to pretend that I am what I'm not. But mentally agreeing with her.
Those featured on that documentary are the extremes of our community. People with very little restraint. Those I would say, that have allowed ABDL to swallow their personalities almost whole. In fact, they represent everything I find repugnant about our community. And my new friend had misguided preconceived notions of what ABDL is because of those fuck-tards. They'd collectively removed the decision which I had taken for granted for so long.
What is this obsession with AB pride? We are not LGBTQ. We are all incredibly diverse in our like and dislikes. Standing as a group has it's place when fighting persecution and for rights, but who's persecuting us/what rights have been taken away? Battling for acceptance must be done on an individual basis. We must all, by ourselves, talk to our friends and families. Because ABDL is by every definition an individual experience tailored to you! No documentary, regardless of its intentions will ever summarise your special connection to ABDL. No t-shirts will empower you to be a man/woman and let those that you love into your life. And, if we let other extreme ends of communities do the talking for us, we're all going to have this opportunity taken away from us in the future. Can you not imagine anything worse?
So as my parting message, I'm going to those of you who, as a group, wish to have any kind of ABDL pride - in any form, to kindly go fuck yourselves . I don't usually resort to profanity. In fact I think it's quite unbecoming, especially online. It is not meant as a personal insult, but much more an expression of my utter dis-contempt of the situation. Perhaps I'm getting old and turning into a grumpy old man, but I hope you can see why I felt I needed to say that.
You have no right to remove my ability to come out as an ABDL to people. And, if you've read this post carefully enough, perhaps you can all see now why you're doing much more harm than good.
I wait your comments and a good discussion .
(PS I originally posted this elsewhere - but felt it deserved to be blogged)