The third instalment of concerns about my thoughts,
by, 18-Mar-2013 at 05:29 (310 Views)
Is it just me or does anyone else have a string of days (4 to be exact) were everything you touch drops, breaks or doesnot work. So I attempt to keep positive and move on to the next thing to find out I forgot something, this too is broken, not working, or some other frustration inducing sinerio. So I figured ok I will say to h with this and I am going to cool off and play with my kids, (7 w/autism and 5 w/ADH) only to have them argue with each other which game they are going to play and how is going to sit next to dad. Ok be positive, dad has two sides so each one sit on either side of dad. More arguing and now I realy need to do something else. This goes on for 4 days. I did get three out of six projects worked on, despite myself and the weather. The only major accomplishment I can grasp onto is that the salt brind pork chops turned out perfectly on the Bar-b-q that I finally got to work after changing the gas bottle, scrubing the gas jets, getting it started with the third lighter (because the ignition point broke off) and burning the mildew off of it.
So needless to say I have been a "Wee Bit" FRUSTRATED Lately. Oh ya did I mention I have been attempting to type for the last three hours because this computer crashed twice and would not recognize the wireless internet conection. So I attempted to access the sight on my wife's laptop only to have it look up three times and finlly crashed, but for some reason that made this one work.
All I wanted to do is organize my thoughts about my diaper usage because for the past six weeks I have been on a binge cycle with my aceptance of the DL mostly and the AB as a meditation device (for lack of a better term). I am 31 days to my next therapy session and am still working out the control issues I am facing (and may intirely be self imposeed).
I am diffenately allowing myself Friday and Saturday nights as "its ok to do it RESPONCEABLY" time and then limiting it to a as need bases the rest of the time with 24 hrs between doffing and doning. NOT HAPPENING. I think I have woke up every morning diapered for the last two weeks. I am doing about 80% on not getting "dressed" until after midnight, but I just can't stay asleep for some reason or the other.
I know that my son (the seven year old) has a very sensitive problem with the unexcussable noice I make with my eye lids. IT must sound like a symbels crash to him, because as soon as I close my eyes he has to come wake me up to tell me about a scene in a starwars movie we watched last week. My daughter on the otherhand has to report to me the location of every bug that lands on, in or around the house. She is however lossing her sonar ability that I still cant understand. Does anyone know what my "trying to get it on" with my wife and my daughters sudden "Sahara desert" thirst have to do with each other? Then my wife asked me/told me that she would still like to have another child. She asked what we need to do different. FYI; I hope my muscle relaxers work to night because I am sleeping on the futton in the office for my suggesting militar school/convent, because providing a drink before I go to bed seems not to stop the "erectus interuptis"
Yes I am beeing a little silly. I caused the problem last night. I went to bed early, got "Dressed", snuggled with my wife, and we both just relaxed and read our books. BUt good ol' stupid me, I had to take a partal bag of M&M to bed with me and only took one at a time while I read 50 pages in a help guild for Autism Caregivers. So having depression and ADHD and mixing it with 12 oz of Candy I fell into a insulin shock slumber for 30 minutes then was up, and/or tossing and turning for 5 hours.
So I need to wrap this up. I am still Struggling to control my craving for the DL aspect. I get a lot of good info reading the threads, and I am gaining understanding why some individuals are into 24/7, because even though I can wear at night if I want (still attempting to figure out were the line between acceptance and tolerance is with my wounderful caring and helpful wife) I still have or been having stronger urges to wear during the day. And with my ADHD therefore OCD inclinations it could get out of hand very fast and I know that the line would be crossed and there will be hell to pay. Our health insurance is good, but as usual the accountants get to practice medician with out a licence, and psyciatry is still not respected by them because 6 weeks is to damn long to go between appointments and they insist on using the medical side equations to handle psyciatry with the give them a pill and see if that worked in 6 weeks then try a differnet pill. BUt I need to shut up because I am ranting AGAIN, GO FIGURE.
Anyway, I do fell better just typeing my slpeen out in these blogs that I do. So it at least helps me calm my mind down. Unfortuanately for the reader you have to wade through my lousy typing (should se me do text messages) and my attrosious spelling. Sorry about that.
Hang in there and thanks for letting me rant.
At least I can look forward to tomarrows mail, because my first real Adult sized Cloth Diaper should be here. I have been using some self-folded flannel diapers that work but I just am not sure the folding is right and I have not been able to get them sewn and hemd without having to explain to people I know would not handle the ABDL.
SO for the third time I will shut up shutting up and say "Thanks for the help in gaining understanding"!