by, 18-Mar-2013 at 04:38 (277 Views)
Since the age of 12, I somehow managed to keep me secret life far away from my normal life as possible. Everyday for years I would wake up wishing that i was in a car bed. I would go to school wishing It was day care, and i would come home wishing i had a bubble bath waiting for me. Some days I wish these thoughts never raced through my head, but at the same time i could never imagine my life without them. Late at night I would go online and search the web for answers. Why was I the way i was, why did i become the person I am? Days meshed together and I tried not to think of my secret life. I didn't want it anymore, I wanted to me normal. From the binges and purges, to the stashing of toys and pull-ups, I just didn't know who I was. I was lost in my own mind of confusion. Then on a cool summer night, only a few days after my 18th birthday, I figured it out. I was Me. An 18 year old and a 5 year old. I was the way I was because it made me happy. It was my escape from reality, It was my neverland and It was a special part of my life. Whether I ever told anyone or not, whether I absolutely hated it or I absolutely loved it, I realized the no matter what happened In my life It would always be there. That was just enough to finally put my mind at ease. And for the first time I was able to say, there is nobody else that I would rather be than me.