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FreeThinker

Just need to vent...

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Ok, I'm really not looking for advice and usually ignore any and all advice that I receive, preferring to do things completely on my own, for better or worse.

That said, I just want to vent some of my recent thoughts and concerns and to have other people, even people I never have and never will meet, know that I'm venting, because I can't vent about it to anyone I actually know.

Ok, let's begin...

I hate few things. I am not a hateful person by nature, forgive people easily, hold few grudges, etc. There are, however, two actions which can be perpetrated against me that cause me to seethe with anger: being blind-sided(being attacked while my back is turned, for example) and being ignored.

This venting of anger deals primarily with the latter of those two.

A friend of mine, let's call her Brittany(not her real name), has been ignoring me. If this were virtually anyone else, I would not be bothered in the least, but for about two years, Brittany has been a very good friend of mine.

A little backstory, maybe?

We first got to know each other at work, though I'd actually met her years previously because I went to school with her older sister. We would talk all the time, and as the months went on, I realized I'd somehow made a new friend. We hung out all the time outside of work, with me encouraging her in her drawing and singing, in both of which activities she is immensely talented.

I made the mistake about a year ago of admitting I'd developed a bit of a crush on her, despite already being in a committed relationship. I knew she didn't feel the same way, and even told her that I was more than happy with our friendship as it was and wouldn't change it if I could.

Months passed and all seemed well, until one day she stopped talking to me. I knew something was wrong, but couldn't figure out what. Seemingly out of nowhere, she blocked me on Facebook and told me never to talk to her again.

Me, being knowledgeable in a great many fields of study, but with the behavior of young women not among them, tried to appease her. I avoided her at work, hard as that was to do, and it was tearin me up inside because I had no idea what I'd done to upset her and nobody else seemed to either.

I got a small amount of closure from her sister, to whom Brittany talked frequently, and who assured me that regardless of the reason, I should just leave her be and hope for the best.

A couple of months passed and out of nowhere, Brittany offered me a seat next to her at work. We proceeded to talk, and before I knew it, we were back to hanging out again.

It took me several more weeks to work up the courage to ask her outright why she'd ignored me. I learned that my awkward behavior and how I was always doing things for her somehow freaked her out. She said she was sorry for overreacting and I just let it be.

For the last several months, there have been no issues. For a while, it was looking like we were going to become roommates, with her, my fiance and myself. That fell trough, but there was no bad blood. The next month, I even helped her pay her rent when she was goig to be about $50 short, and even took her to the greyhound station so she could take a bus to go see her boyfriend, who'd moved out of state to go to college. Still no issues...

That was a couple of months back. In the intervening months, there haven't been any issues that I'm aware of, but for the last two weeks, she's been avoiding me.

At first I thought I was just imagining things, but yesterday I received what is essentially a guarantee that she is avoiding me. My first indication was when I texted her, asking if she wanted to hang out. SeverL hours passed before I received a reply, saying she was busy. No problem, I thought. She's allowed to have other priorities. The next day, the same thing. She said she was hanging out with her sister. Again, perfectly fine. Family is important, I know. One day, I offered her a ride to work, but she declined. Our supervisor was giving her a ride, she told me. Again, that's alright, he does that occasionally, and I know she's been trying to get back on his good side, after she got a writeup for poor work performance the week before. That same night, I offered her a ride home. Again, our supervisor was giving her a ride. The same thing happened for the next three days. At this point, I was starting to get irked. Not only was she avoiding me at work, but we hadn't hung out in over a week and she wasn't letting me give her rides to or from work.

Then last night, I asked her when she wanted me to pay her back a small amount of money that I owed her. I told her I could bring it to her tomorrow(now today), intending to give it to her at work. "Or you could just give it to me at work," she said, evidently assuming I was going to bring it to her house, "I'd actually prefer you bring it to work." That. THAT is what struck it home. THAT is what confirmed in my mind that she is avoiding me.

I have no idea what I've done or why she might be mad at me. I haven't been mean to her, I haven't been making inappropriate advances on her, I haven't been creepy, I haven't been insulting her friends, family or boyfriend. I've been helpful, generous, encouraging and a perfectly attentive listener. I've helped her out financially, emotionally, and manually, when I've helped her move into her new apartment. I have literally been the best possible friend anyone could ever ask for and have asked nothing in return.

That is my rant. It was long, and I'm sure there are some spelling errors, since I typed it all on my phone, but there you are.
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Comments

  1. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    I know you aren't looking for advice, but I just want to say I totally understand. It's awful when someone you consider a good friend just starts ignoring you and acting cold. I really doubt you deserve that kind of treatment at all. I wish there was something I could do. Your rant was wonderfully written for a phone post.
  2. FreeThinker's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by gigglemuffinz
    I know you aren't looking for advice, but I just want to say I totally understand. It's awful when someone you consider a good friend just starts ignoring you and acting cold. I really doubt you deserve that kind of treatment at all. I wish there was something I could do. Your rant was wonderfully written for a phone post.
    Thanks for the sympathy. It really is quite frustrating having her do this. She's one of my only close friends, and one of the few people I genuinely care more about than myself(I can be very self-centered, but I put away my selfishness for a handful of special people).

    I really don't think I deserve to be treated this way, given everything I've done for her, but I can't even bring that up to her because everything I've done for her has been to keep her safe and happy, and using it to guilt trip her is something I refuse to do.
  3. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    Maybe focus it on her. I know you didn't ask for advice, but perhaps you could say.. "Hey, is everything okay? You've been feeling a little off to me, and I'm just worried about you." or something along those lines, in your own words. Spin it around, perhaps it is something wrong with her. Maybe she's just in a bad mood or somethings going on.

    Just a suggestion. I'm always here to talk to and listen.
  4. FreeThinker's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by gigglemuffinz
    Maybe focus it on her. I know you didn't ask for advice, but perhaps you could say.. "Hey, is everything okay? You've been feeling a little off to me, and I'm just worried about you." or something along those lines, in your own words. Spin it around, perhaps it is something wrong with her. Maybe she's just in a bad mood or somethings going on.

    Just a suggestion. I'm always here to talk to and listen.
    Tried almost that exact thing last night, just before we left work. I believe my exact words were, "Hey, are you alright? You've seemed a little distant lately. I just wanted to make sure you're alright." A few seconds later, our supervisor came into the room and I never got a reply. Just as well, as I don't think she was going to give me a reply anyway.

    In any case, thanks for the replies; it's good to know a complete stranger is capable of caring. Generally speaking, I don't vent online, but the only two people I vent to are in some manner involved here in such a way that it would be impractical to involve them. One is the object of my frustration and the other is my fiance, who doesn't particularly like, 'Brittany,' and would just try to convince me that she(my fiance) is the only person I should care about so much that I get upset when they're mad at me.
  5. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    Sorry that you didn't feel like you were getting a reply. It seems like you've tried your best to be a good friend. I hope you at least know that, and know you haven't deserved the cold shoulder.

    I don't like to try to seem unrealistic, but this is what I'm here for. Making friends, listening to people, being around people. It makes me happy that other people share themselves in a place I can talk to them, listen to them. So thank you for trusting the community enough to vent to us. You seem like a caring and intelligent person.
  6. FreeThinker's Avatar
    I know. As far as I'm concerned, I've been more than a good friend; I've been the ideal friend. I mentioned before that I had a bit of a crush on her, but even so, I didn't let those feeling get in the way when I went out of my way to ensure that she and her boyfriend had as much time to spend together before he moved out of state. With as much as I was doing for her: covering her shifts at work so she could have whole nights with him, driving her to see him and him to see her and helping her sort out arguments they were having, which usually involved him wanting to get drunk with his roommates instead of spending time with her, I sometimes felt like I was trying harder to keep their relationship together than her boyfriend was.

    I really do appreciate the chat. You've managed to steer clear of giving me a flurry of advice, which i'm quite thankful for. One of the reasons I trust this community with my problems is that I know a lot of people here have personal issues of their own. Here I've seen overwhelming kindness proffered by strangers to strangers, and that's seen so very seldom elsewhere.

    Also, I know I'm intelligent, or at the very least, highly knowledgeable in a variety of areas. That's one of the few aspects of my life that I'm proud of, because whatever else it may seem, I'm not always the most caring individual, or the most sensitive. This is, however, a unique case, as it pertains to one of the few people who can provoke strong emotions(both good and bad ones) in me, and for whom I still hold lingering affection. So in this case at least, I am both highly caring and highly sensitive. Were this practically anyone else; were this pretty much any of my other friends, I wouldn't think twice about them being irked at me, but, put simply, this is HER. This is one of only a handful of people that I really, truly, genuinely care about.

    A slight update though - a couple of hours ago, I left work. I did manage to talk to her, though didn't ask why she's been acting the way she has been. She didn't seem as distant tonight, and even showed me some pictures that she was using as inspiration for her drawings. This is a slight improvement, as it shows that she is at least trying not to sever all ties with me. I'm not going to look to far into that just yet, however, as I may just be getting overly hopeful.

    I should probably point out that she has not, throughout whatever kind of ordeal this may be, been hostile toward me. She'd merely been coming across as uncaring, like anything I have to say to her is of little to no interest.
  7. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    I didn't get the impression she was being hostile. I'm glad that you had a few moments were things got better. Very glad. You should know you can always rant, and.. I'll probably always likely check it out. As long as I notice it, you can always send me a visitor message to let me know too. Obviously you really care about her as a friend, and have put effort into your friendship.. and i'm sure you are going to be rewarded for all that effort.
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