Just need to vent...
by, 01-Mar-2013 at 03:51 (417 Views)
Ok, I'm really not looking for advice and usually ignore any and all advice that I receive, preferring to do things completely on my own, for better or worse.
That said, I just want to vent some of my recent thoughts and concerns and to have other people, even people I never have and never will meet, know that I'm venting, because I can't vent about it to anyone I actually know.
Ok, let's begin...
I hate few things. I am not a hateful person by nature, forgive people easily, hold few grudges, etc. There are, however, two actions which can be perpetrated against me that cause me to seethe with anger: being blind-sided(being attacked while my back is turned, for example) and being ignored.
This venting of anger deals primarily with the latter of those two.
A friend of mine, let's call her Brittany(not her real name), has been ignoring me. If this were virtually anyone else, I would not be bothered in the least, but for about two years, Brittany has been a very good friend of mine.
A little backstory, maybe?
We first got to know each other at work, though I'd actually met her years previously because I went to school with her older sister. We would talk all the time, and as the months went on, I realized I'd somehow made a new friend. We hung out all the time outside of work, with me encouraging her in her drawing and singing, in both of which activities she is immensely talented.
I made the mistake about a year ago of admitting I'd developed a bit of a crush on her, despite already being in a committed relationship. I knew she didn't feel the same way, and even told her that I was more than happy with our friendship as it was and wouldn't change it if I could.
Months passed and all seemed well, until one day she stopped talking to me. I knew something was wrong, but couldn't figure out what. Seemingly out of nowhere, she blocked me on Facebook and told me never to talk to her again.
Me, being knowledgeable in a great many fields of study, but with the behavior of young women not among them, tried to appease her. I avoided her at work, hard as that was to do, and it was tearin me up inside because I had no idea what I'd done to upset her and nobody else seemed to either.
I got a small amount of closure from her sister, to whom Brittany talked frequently, and who assured me that regardless of the reason, I should just leave her be and hope for the best.
A couple of months passed and out of nowhere, Brittany offered me a seat next to her at work. We proceeded to talk, and before I knew it, we were back to hanging out again.
It took me several more weeks to work up the courage to ask her outright why she'd ignored me. I learned that my awkward behavior and how I was always doing things for her somehow freaked her out. She said she was sorry for overreacting and I just let it be.
For the last several months, there have been no issues. For a while, it was looking like we were going to become roommates, with her, my fiance and myself. That fell trough, but there was no bad blood. The next month, I even helped her pay her rent when she was goig to be about $50 short, and even took her to the greyhound station so she could take a bus to go see her boyfriend, who'd moved out of state to go to college. Still no issues...
That was a couple of months back. In the intervening months, there haven't been any issues that I'm aware of, but for the last two weeks, she's been avoiding me.
At first I thought I was just imagining things, but yesterday I received what is essentially a guarantee that she is avoiding me. My first indication was when I texted her, asking if she wanted to hang out. SeverL hours passed before I received a reply, saying she was busy. No problem, I thought. She's allowed to have other priorities. The next day, the same thing. She said she was hanging out with her sister. Again, perfectly fine. Family is important, I know. One day, I offered her a ride to work, but she declined. Our supervisor was giving her a ride, she told me. Again, that's alright, he does that occasionally, and I know she's been trying to get back on his good side, after she got a writeup for poor work performance the week before. That same night, I offered her a ride home. Again, our supervisor was giving her a ride. The same thing happened for the next three days. At this point, I was starting to get irked. Not only was she avoiding me at work, but we hadn't hung out in over a week and she wasn't letting me give her rides to or from work.
Then last night, I asked her when she wanted me to pay her back a small amount of money that I owed her. I told her I could bring it to her tomorrow(now today), intending to give it to her at work. "Or you could just give it to me at work," she said, evidently assuming I was going to bring it to her house, "I'd actually prefer you bring it to work." That. THAT is what struck it home. THAT is what confirmed in my mind that she is avoiding me.
I have no idea what I've done or why she might be mad at me. I haven't been mean to her, I haven't been making inappropriate advances on her, I haven't been creepy, I haven't been insulting her friends, family or boyfriend. I've been helpful, generous, encouraging and a perfectly attentive listener. I've helped her out financially, emotionally, and manually, when I've helped her move into her new apartment. I have literally been the best possible friend anyone could ever ask for and have asked nothing in return.
That is my rant. It was long, and I'm sure there are some spelling errors, since I typed it all on my phone, but there you are.