Losing my Daddy
by, 28-Feb-2013 at 18:25 (393 Views)
I know that this is a very personal thing, and some of you are probably going to read this and say it was a waste of time, that I am just babbling on about feelings and such. Well, I am. I just need to get it out. The only person who I could share these things with is gone now. I don't think he will ever come back. I will probably never see him again. That is all I want though...I love him so much. No, our relationship was not based off of this 'fetish' only. It was truly based off of what we had built together. But even the most stable of structures can fall. He wasn't JUST my Daddy. He was my lover, my boyfriend, my best friend, my fiance, my motivation, and my future. He was even more than that too! I just can't put it into words. I have never been in so much pain as I have been in the past couple of months. I was alone on Valentine's Day...the day when he was extra super sweet (he was always sweet). He had made me a candle lit dinner one night...it was so nice. He treated me so well.
I was the one that messed up though. I got too close to another guy...and honestly...I had different feelings for him than I had for my Daddy. They weren't as fulfilling. It just took me a little too long to see that. Maybe I was pushing my Daddy away because I didn't want to hurt him. And I regret ever minute of it. Now I am spending time with another guy, trying to move on from my amazing relationship that had fallen apart...and I am happy. But not.....really happy. I laugh and smile when he's around, but all I am thinking about is my Daddy. The thoughts just won't go away. I haven't gone a day without shedding a tear. I have tried to keep myself busy...but it doesn't work. I just lose all motivation.
You can't learn from mistakes that other people tell you. You have to experience them. People can tell you not to touch the stove but you are gonna do it anyway and then you'll see, only then, that you shouldn't have touched the stove. Unfortunately, sometimes you get burned a little worse than you thought...