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A pause in time, but no rewind

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I write here now because it is the only safe place to put this information and still remember it for later.

I have Cerebral Palsy, but it's not too severe. I was reading up on it recently, like just 5 minutes ago, and discovered something startling.

While I know I shared the womb with a twin, and also that said twin was dead at birth. What I found out is that Cerebral Palsy can be caused by the dead of a more feeble twin at early pregnancy, when both fetuses are sharing the same circulatory system.

I also read the small explaination of the "vanishing twin", the condition in which a fetus in a multi-gestation pregnancy which dies in utero and is then partially or completely reabsorbed by the mother. And also the mental effect it has on the mother, which is the denial of a twin even being there in the first place, even though parts of the twin's fetus is discharged at birth.

I feel really scatterbrained at the moment.

And since I was raised in the south, medical anomalies and such were looked past, like they weren't there. And the way I was brought up, as well as where, is also root of my infantilism.

As far as my Cerebral Palsy goes, my left eye is kind of shaky, will be that way for life. and I have a slight limp in my left leg. I sometimes wonder if my intelligence would be lacking, if I didnt have this brain defect. If it shut down parts of my brain, and the 10% I use, is why I think the way I do...

I used to just think that my Cerebral Palsy was from mishandling at birth, or me being very premature. Seems not the case, from the above text. What to do, what to do...

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