Emotional Roller Coaster of a Day.
by, 01-Sep-2012 at 21:16 (412 Views)
Well fair warning, another long article that is the craziness of my life. Yesterday was just an awful day. Me and my wife were eating when I recieved a phone call from my dad. I awnserd the phone and it was my uncle with some bad news. My dads house burned down about 6 months ago and he has been rebuilding. Due to all those so called friends abandoning him in his time of need, he's been own his own trying to get this place under roof, and safe from the weather before winter. I have been helping him in my spare time and off days. Back to the call.....My uncle told me dad fell off the top of the ladder about 12 ft. It was a big ladder. He was on the top step, climbing into the rafters and the ladder flew out from under him. He couldn't move, just barely could wiggle his leg. Luckily he had his cell phone in his pocket and my uncle lives about 100 yards from him or he would have been in alot of trouble. I immediatly left the restraunt and rushed home beating the ambulance because wouldn't you know it, they were stuck in construction on the interstate. When I seen him he was in awful shape. Dad already has a list of health problems and he definitly didn't need this. I was already fearing the worst thinking he was going to be crippled. The ambulance wasn't far behind me and immediatly began strapping him to the gurney and put him in for the trip to the hospital. I jumped in the car and followed them. Because of the construction they decided to go through town to keep from getting trapped on the interstate again. About half way to the hospital passing cars, going through lights, they suddenly slowed down, turned of there sirens and drove normal through traffic. I immediatly freaked out, I just knew dad had suffered a heart attack and died. Why else would they do this?? My wife kept trying to calm me down but it was impossible at this point. I was breathing heavy and sobbing uncontrollably with all sorts of emotions running through my mind. The rest of the trip to the hospital was a nightmarish journey that seemed to last forever. When we finally got there I drove straight up to the ambulance and the lady got out and told me I would have to park my car. I ask her immediatly if my dad had died. She told me no, he was fine, is vitals was fine but I needed to park my car. I was a bit angry I said, "you slowed down and turned your lights of and quit passing traffic. I thought he was dead!" She said, "No, we saw you behind us and due to liability issues, we had no choice but to slow down and drive normal." If I had been in any other state of mind than I was in, she would have got a mouthful. I mean really? What a lousy reason to slow down. It makes me wonder if they would do this if his vitals weren't normal. I have never heard of such a thing. But...anyways. I proceeded to park the car and by this point my head was spinning in all sorts of directions. I went from 100% believing my father had died, to finding out he was alive. Obviously happy of the news, I still could not calm down. I went straight into the ER and met the lady again at the ER door. She informed me that I would have to admit him. So I stepped over, sat down, still breathing heavily and shaking. I was a complete train wreck. I knew I had to get out of this state and calm down, but for some reason I couldn't. The admittance lady kept asking me if I was fine and I told her I was, I had thought my dad was dead and I just needed to calm down. But by the third time she ask me I had my head in my hands and I looked up at her and could barely see her. I noticed my arms and legs were completly numb, my fingers and arms locked solid and I couldn't feel my face. And no matter how hard I tried I couldn't quit breathing rapidly. They helped me onto a wheelchair and took me to check me out. I had turned white as a ghost, or it looked so by my hands and after a while they finally calmed me down, gave me some crazy drugs and made me stay put for about an hour. I was told it was a sever anxiety attack with hyperventalation. Obviously. At the same time, they had been keeping tabs on dad for me and he went straight in for a bunch of test on his back and neck. I finally got to go see him about the time he was done with his test. He was talking, worried about me. I informed him I was alright and we sat waiting on the word on his back. The good news is, (in my terms which are probably totally off), he has a cracked vertebrate but the crack moved away from his spine so he shouldn't need surgery. He has to follow up with a back specialist and do some more test but as of right now hes pretty much immobile and in severe pain. But thank god it could be alot worse. I am so mad over this ambulance deal. I would have never followed them if I knew they would actually do something that foolish. I know it's probably their orders but it's foolish. On a side note though, I may have figured out after all that that I have anxiety issues. I've never thought about this before but I constantly worry about everything, mostly my health. Fear something is wrong with me and I have minor bouts where I'm just kinda dazed and feel trapped over the craziness that goes through my head. Short of breath and just knowing something is terribly wrong with me, something is not right with me. But I can never figure out what it is and it makes me feel like I'm partially crazy. Basically because I have so many good things to be thankful for, I'm ashamed to have these feelings. I try to get over it by putting a positive spin on my life and moving forward. But I eventually take a step backwards back into this craziness that goes on inside of me. If any of that makes sense. I've always been able to hide this and crontrol it, but when I thought my father was dead it was to much for me to control. Obviously everyone would be upset if they have these thought, but I feel theres more going on with me. It was scary, I've never hyperventilated before, but it scared the hell out of me because I couldn't calm down and quit. I felt ashamed that I couldn't control this and go straight to my father. I have a follow up with my regular doctor, but I don't know if I should keep it. I wonder if they could help me get rid of this....stress, depression, worry, whatever it is in my head that makes me this way. I'm just so overwhelmed and full of all sorts of emotions I don't know what to do. I have a family to take care of and a job that sucks up the biggest part of my life. I don't need this and dad should be my primary concern right now and taking care of him. Once again, sorry for this long rambling post but I needed to vent.