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Very long and kinda mature post of my life!

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Been awhile since I have wrote anything. Or participated on here for that matter. But anyways, life has been hectic lately. Work schedules changed. I've been pulled once again from my job and put back on the floor because the company is trying to save money. By doing so I have once again went from 8 hour days to 12-16 hour days. This has made my life a living hell and I am praying I will some how get my job back in maintenance soon. Stress level is rising and causing tension at home among some other things going on at home. I believe in my last post I said I was going to start being me and enjoying life and everything around me. (or something to that extent) But this mess of a job I have has hurled me into a whirlpool. My head is spinning and its sucking me in. I have no time for myself, no time for family and I've took some steps backwards. Which bring me to my next situation. Feel free to give me your input if you feel like wasting precious time on my problems. As I believe I've already spoke a little about it, my wife knows every aspect of my desires. This lead us to be honest and open with each other about other desires, fantasies, etc. Ill try to keep this as clean as possible, without breaking any rules as I'm not sure what the rule exactly is. Anyways, one thing lead to another and we found out about each other that were both into bdsm. The problem is, we are both submissive, (see where this is going). Well things were going well, talking about what we liked and this and that. I decide to by some toys. My whole interest in this is to spark our love life and of course try all sorts of new things keeping our marriage fresh. An evening finally came where we didn't have the kids for the night and it was just her and I. I decided to go all out on her and tied her up and done pretty much everything that she insisted she liked. Now, honestly I am way out of my comfort zone on being a dominant person and this being a completly new thing I have never done. But I went all out the best I could and basically pictured myself in a role reversal doing things to her I believe I would enjoy done to me. I kept her tied up and submissive for about an hour and done my thing. I admit it was more fun than I expected it would be for me basically because she was mine to do with what I seen fit. But my main enjoyment was her enjoying her fantasy as it was getting played out. I really love making my wife happy even if its something Im not all that into. This is my overall enjoyment. And she REALLY had fun, I mean bragged about it and just had a smile from ear to ear afterwards. Ok the problem is, its been weeks since our little endeavor, sex has been good, as always I love every minute of her however I can get her. But nothing has ever happend for me. I've hinted but our alone time, is pretty much sex time. What happened to our new and interesting sex life?! Eventually I confronted her and finally got out of her.
"I'm having a hard time wanting to do the whole dominant thing to you. Honestly, I'm extremly uncomfortable with it and to tell you the truth I'm pretty sure its a turnoff for me. I didn't want to say nothing to you after what you've done for me because I didn't want to hurt you. But now I feel obligated to return the favor."
People, I never want my wife to feel obligated to do anything for me. Or do anything out of her comfort zone. But I had all sorts of mixed emotion. Mostly I was extremly hurt that she could find anything that we would do as a couple a complete "turn off". I can't wrap my head around that because like I said, how can you be turned off by making the one you love happy? Marriage, or partnership to me is a give and take relationship. You give a little, and you take a little. And you always try to make each other happy. Well I give it much thought, and even though it hurt me, and I admit I felt she was being selfish but mostly because I made the leap event though I wasn't comfortable to please her and make her happy. How could she call something she never even attempted to try a turn off? Anyways, this wonderful beautiful woman has always been there for me. I don't deserve her. Shes been accepting of my diapers. And told me to be me. But this was like a big step backward and I was questioning whether all of this was made up. Maybe she was really disgusted by the stuff I've told her over the last couple of years. And she was pretending to make me happy. Anyways after talking to her, I told her, no matter where our sex life went from here, I always want to do everything she desired whether the favor was returned or not because of my undying love for her and all things her. This is the way I feel a relationship should be and I can never see myself with anyone else but her reguardless of my needs. I told her maybe she would eventually come along and try new things with me in time as she felt comfortable with it and I imformed her that it was not all about me, but it was about us and I would never push her to do anything she didn't want to do. I will always be patient with this woman. She told me she would slowly try new things with me and see where it went during our nice hike we took today and our heart to heart. Just so you all know, we are ok and things aren't heading in the wrong direction. I'll always be in love with this woman even through our minor road blocks. I just was wondering what your alls input was on the situation and whether you think I'm being fair in my beliefs on our relationship. I'm sorry if I stepped out of line on the rules or if this should have been a forum post instead of a blog. But its what has been going on in my life lately and I wanted to share. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

Updated 29-Aug-2012 at 08:31 by Painn


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