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BabyKayla

Possible Mistake

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Before I go ahead and talk about the mistake I may have just made, I'm going to go ahead and kind of merge two blog posts into one.

I just checked my join date, and to my utter surprise, I've been a member of this forum for nearly 13 months! I can't believe I discovered infantilism nearly a year ago, and I can't help but feel a bit bittersweet about it. This year of constant shame and acceptance has been a bumpy one, and although I still struggle with my feelings towards being an Infantilist, I know that it's made a positive impact on my life more than it has made a negative one. On that note, thank you ADISCers, for truly helping me along this road to acceptance! You've been such a positive impact on my life.

Now...the possible mistake. It all started with a dream. My best friend referenced ADISC at school, which utterly shocked me. So many questions started attacking my inner-thoughts, "Does she know about me? Is she an infantilist? What's going on?" Despite all the questions, though, I instead stood in silence, shocked at my best friend's words.

I don't remember much after that, but as my dream continued, I finally pulled her aside and said "You know that site is for adult babies and people who have a diaper fetish, don't you?" And although I tried to remain cool, I know she sensed the anxiety in my voice. What she replied, though, wasn't exactly what I was expecting.

"Yeah, my cousin is an Infantilist! He just told me yesterday. Well, it wasn't his choice exactly, I kind of walked in on him wearing a diaper. At first, I was freaked out, but now that I understand it it really isn't a big deal. It's still weird, though." she said, somewhat excitedly. Just as I was going to reply to her, though, I awoke to the shrieking ring of my cell phone. I very-disoriently picked it up, only to see that IT WAS MY BEST FRIEND CALLING. I was very freaked, but made the best I could out of it. Until, of course, I broke.

See, I've been wanting to tell her for the longest time, so after the phone call ended, I text her, "Okay, what scared me about my dream last night was the fact that I was about to tell you something about me I've never told anyone. And I'm going to tell you soon, but I just need some time. A lot of time, lol."

She responded, "....okay o_____o."

I then said, "I know, that was really weird of me, but Ive been up and down about telling you all summer long. It really bothers me that you don't know."

She hasn't replied, since I told her this right before her orientation had begun. Needless to say, I immediately regret what I did. It was very childish of me, I feel. I'm not sure if I should tell her, but it'll be pretty hard not to after that scene I just caused. I don't have to tell her immediately, but I know I will eventually have to now. I'm not quite sure what to do, other than feel really dumb.

Well, I guess we'll just have to see how this plays out. Thank you for reading my novel of a blog post, lol. Have a wonderful day! C:

-Baby Kayla
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Comments

  1. PamperedKari's Avatar
    yeah, I would know how hard it is to tell my best friends.
    The most annoying part is when they call you a freak. At least of my friends was kinda neutral about it.
    I even told her I felt guilty about telling her yesterday, and she said I shouldn't feel that way.
  2. BabyKayla's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by PamperedKari
    yeah, I would know how hard it is to tell my best friends.
    The most annoying part is when they call you a freak. At least of my friends was kinda neutral about it.
    I even told her I felt guilty about telling her yesterday, and she said I shouldn't feel that way.
    Aww :c im sorry they called you a freak! And hey, as long as your friend is neutral about it there really isn't much to worry about ;D.

    I know my friend will be accepting, she's a very open-minded person, and has accepted every weird kink about me. So, although she will be taken aback, she'll take it in with open arms. I just don't want to tell her in fear of vulnerability, I guess. And I don't want to go anywhere with it at all, really. I'm not looking for her to indulge me, shoot, I dont want it to even be a topic of conversation after I tell her. I guess I just want her to know so that I'm not always hiding it from her, you know?
  3. PamperedKari's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by BabyKayla
    Aww :c im sorry they called you a freak! And hey, as long as your friend is neutral about it there really isn't much to worry about ;D.

    I know my friend will be accepting, she's a very open-minded person, and has accepted every weird kink about me. So, although she will be taken aback, she'll take it in with open arms. I just don't want to tell her in fear of vulnerability, I guess. And I don't want to go anywhere with it at all, really. I'm not looking for her to indulge me, shoot, I dont want it to even be a topic of conversation after I tell her. I guess I just want her to know so that I'm not always hiding it from her, you know?
    yes, I know...I felt the same way
    and the person who called me a freak wasn't really that nice or open minded to begin with.
  4. princessnarnar's Avatar
    By the time you tell her, she'll probably have already imagined "your secret" to be something WAY worse, and it won't be a big deal.
  5. TheSpecterPrincess's Avatar
    Don't feel dumb, everyone makes mistakes :]

    If I were you I just wouldn't mention it anymore and I'm sure she'll forget about it on her own. The same principals apply to friends as they do with parents regarding this subject. They just aren't going to get it. You're better off not telling her. If she was your girlfriend or lover, that would be different. It's a shame to say, but no matter how much we trust our friends and family there's just some things they will never accept us for. But really, that's their problem not ours. The most we can do is keep our mouths closed and when in need for support, turn to a community like Adisc full of people that DO understand because they partake in similar activities.

    Just don't mention it to her anymore and I'm sure the problem will resolve itself. That's the solution I used for the same problem years ago and it seemed to have worked for me.

    Hope this helped

    TheSpecterPrincess
  6. BabyKayla's Avatar
    Thank you c:

    Well, I told her I felt dumb for saying that, and she understandingly said "Kayla, you really don't need to tell me if it's not comfortable for you." so, I guess I'll just leave it at that! Thank goodness she isn't the nosy type ;D

    TheSpecterPrincess, I very much agree with what you have to say. I don't plan on telling anyone, either. I mean, I have a caretaker already, and he's all I really need to accept it. And you're absolutely right about the ADISC community helping out c: thank you!

    Princessnarnar, haha, that's exactly what I was thinking! And she already knows I act like a 5-year old 88% of the time, so she basically already has an idea. She also knows about my caretaker, although I don't tell her that's what he is, and she knows he treats me like a child. It's just a matter of telling her exactly to what extent I act like a child (actually, baby. lol) I don't plan on telling her for a few more years, though c:

    Pamperedkari, haha, no kidding. Actually, a mutual response is exactly what I'm looking for ;D she likes taking care of people A LOT, no matter what age, and I'm hoping she doesn't think it'd be an okay idea to go along with my ABism -.-! And close-minded people are the worst! (>_>)/ *shake fist*
  7. Coyote_Howl's Avatar
    Well that is good that she isn't nosy and you avoided having to tell. It doesn't sound like it would of been a major issue if you did have to buuutttt, its always nice to not have to tell anyone who doesn't need to know eh? xD
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