by, 15-Aug-2012 at 19:05 (640 Views)
Before I go ahead and talk about the mistake I may have just made, I'm going to go ahead and kind of merge two blog posts into one.
I just checked my join date, and to my utter surprise, I've been a member of this forum for nearly 13 months! I can't believe I discovered infantilism nearly a year ago, and I can't help but feel a bit bittersweet about it. This year of constant shame and acceptance has been a bumpy one, and although I still struggle with my feelings towards being an Infantilist, I know that it's made a positive impact on my life more than it has made a negative one. On that note, thank you ADISCers, for truly helping me along this road to acceptance! You've been such a positive impact on my life.
Now...the possible mistake. It all started with a dream. My best friend referenced ADISC at school, which utterly shocked me. So many questions started attacking my inner-thoughts, "Does she know about me? Is she an infantilist? What's going on?" Despite all the questions, though, I instead stood in silence, shocked at my best friend's words.
I don't remember much after that, but as my dream continued, I finally pulled her aside and said "You know that site is for adult babies and people who have a diaper fetish, don't you?" And although I tried to remain cool, I know she sensed the anxiety in my voice. What she replied, though, wasn't exactly what I was expecting.
"Yeah, my cousin is an Infantilist! He just told me yesterday. Well, it wasn't his choice exactly, I kind of walked in on him wearing a diaper. At first, I was freaked out, but now that I understand it it really isn't a big deal. It's still weird, though." she said, somewhat excitedly. Just as I was going to reply to her, though, I awoke to the shrieking ring of my cell phone. I very-disoriently picked it up, only to see that IT WAS MY BEST FRIEND CALLING. I was very freaked, but made the best I could out of it. Until, of course, I broke.
See, I've been wanting to tell her for the longest time, so after the phone call ended, I text her, "Okay, what scared me about my dream last night was the fact that I was about to tell you something about me I've never told anyone. And I'm going to tell you soon, but I just need some time. A lot of time, lol."
She responded, "....okay o_____o."
I then said, "I know, that was really weird of me, but Ive been up and down about telling you all summer long. It really bothers me that you don't know."
She hasn't replied, since I told her this right before her orientation had begun. Needless to say, I immediately regret what I did. It was very childish of me, I feel. I'm not sure if I should tell her, but it'll be pretty hard not to after that scene I just caused. I don't have to tell her immediately, but I know I will eventually have to now. I'm not quite sure what to do, other than feel really dumb.
Well, I guess we'll just have to see how this plays out. Thank you for reading my novel of a blog post, lol. Have a wonderful day! C: