by, 23-Jun-2012 at 21:27 (418 Views)
Well today Kind of starts a new point in life. At least for a little while. My oldest sister and her husband and baby moved back to the state and they are staying at our house for a month or so. So that is pretty exciting in and of itself.
On a more interesting note. I am still trying to balance My AB life and regular life. I daily struggle to keep some semblance of an adult life. I have boundaries set that I try my hardest not to cross. Living at home is not the easiest way to manage an AB lifestyle. I am always worried what my mom will say if she sees me "in baby mode" or using a pacifier or bottle. I am not as worried about the pacifier and I freely use my blankie but it is just knowing that she thinks that infantism is a thing that needs to be "fixed."
I am trying to come up with ways to tell her that it is not going away. I do not think she realizes that I cannot actually control that desire. I can fight the severity of it but I cannot make it go away. I was born this way.
Plus I thoroughly enjoy my baby time, or time with "Daddy” and things like that. I am so relaxed and not in control and I just love it. For now I have the ability to snap out of baby mode if needed. But sometimes when I am deeply in it I cannot just turn it off. Usually it goes away the next morning but there are times that I wake up in just as much of a baby mode when I went to sleep.
I feel a little weird as my nephew that just moved in is 13 months old. Kind of funny cause he is very close to my AB age. I kind of just want to slip into baby mode and play just like him. But I know that I would be thought nuts. That is why I wish daddy could be here and I could be his baby girl all the time. That I would love.
Anyway I am done spouting off for now. I am sure I will be back later.