Time for a change. (in life)
by, 12-May-2012 at 00:37 (352 Views)
Well I have come to the conclusion that this rut I have been in is gonna come to an end. Im tired of worrying constantly about bills, health, job, getting older, and every other little thing that has been depressing me for months. Its time to start living day to day and enjoying my life and my family before it passes me by. Im done with all the worrying about everything constantly. Its time for me to start being me and enjoying life while it is here to enjoy.
Me and my wife were talking (texting while at work as this seems to be the only way i can have a personal conversation) the other day and my lifestyle came up. First time in months. Shes not brought it up or neither have I in awhile. I usually do my thing and like usual try to hide it from her even though she knows everything about me now and has for over a year. I felt like by not being completely open with myself around her, I wasnt forcing anything on her. This hiding my wearing and buying and internet surfing, made me feel sorta ashamed once more. And that didnt help with my depression. Anyways, I wanted to let her know I was planning on buying my supplys a little more then usual because of the rescent Abena news. After all this is the financial aspect of my wearing and its her decision as well for my purchases. She informed me to be more open with her any time and she didnt care what I did. I told her it hasnt been brought up or mentioned in a while since we had a long heart to heart and I felt as though it was harder for her to deal with then she thought so that lead to the hiding. Anyways my lovely wife said, I havent meantion it to you because I dont think about it much, because its not a big deal to me. And on the occasion I do think about it, I dont bring it up because I dont want to embarass you. I love you forever no matter what. (I know Im lucky).
All this made me realize what I said above, I need to start being me and living and enjoying life. It makes me less depressed, less stressful and less angry. Im saying it right here, Im done with all the negativity and worrying that im creating up in my crazy head. And im gonna enjoy my 30s the way I should be. Thanks to my loving wife. God only knows where I would be without her. I have way to much to be happy about then to go on like I have been. Oh and two packs of m3s in the mail on their way is gonna help me get a good start to being me!
Now if I could get over the fact that I cant say diapers or any other word associated with them around her that would be a good next step! lol Ive still got along ways to go. But now I think im finally heading in the right direction.
Thanks for reading!