Don't know where else to put this.
by, 24-Apr-2012 at 03:14 (424 Views)
I don't know what to do. I just want someone to hear my story; I really don't care if you reply or not. I don't ever talk to anyone about problems I'm dealing with because I doubt they'll care, and I don't really expect anyone here to care more than others.
The life around me is slowly falling apart. My parents hardly have enough money to support the house, and no one wants to buy it so we can move into a smaller one. My half-sister got a divorce with her husband, whom I've known my entire life and cherish and love, and I can't help but feel sadness for their kids, who now have to go through this at such a young age, whom I've also known my entire life and also cherish and love. My other half-sister's son was molested by the first half-sister's son (named Bob for convenience) some time ago, and they can't seem to get around it, and I know Bob is suffering inside horribly for knowing that he may never change.
I don't ever see any of them either, and I don't keep in touch for no reason whatsoever, other than probably not wanting to get involved with all the BS, which is very weak and selfish on my part, but I can't help it. My older biological sister is a crazy Christian, and I always fear that she may end up becoming a martyr, especially since she has depression and has had some forms of suicidal thoughts before. My twin has prioritized marijuana over her family, and will not come home from college this coming summer just so she can have access to it at all times.
I don't know what to do. I just want it to stop, I just want everyone to get along and be normal. Sometimes I feel as though I don't feel like going through an entire lifetime of sadness, and I also feel that I don't commit suicide because it would do more harm than good for my family and nothing more. I don't value life. All you will ever end up doing for life is working your *** off, then paying your dues, then dying. There's no fun in that, but I don't know how to not end up like that. It's simply not worth it at all.
And then I have this fucking fetish, which I've never embraced, and probably never will. I feel as though the universe simply wanted to do an experiment to see how many things could go wrong in a person's life before they cracked, and that I'm the test subject.