Out (Part Deux)
by, 14-Apr-2012 at 18:10 (805 Views)
(For context, please see my previous blog entry.)
Great Wolf Lodge turned out not to be a venue for discussing diaper fetishes, which was probably for the best! Instead, it happened last night. Partially. When I got home from work, my wife and kids were home. Everything seemed happy and normal--again, encouraging. (I'd taken my bag of diapers and tossed them in my car trunk, which I figured would not have gone unnoticed!) Kids' bedtimes came and went, and my wife sat down on the couch to read. Perhaps I should have simply taken that opportunity to tell her that I had something to explain, but I chickened out. Instead, I sat down in my office and resumed work on one of my electronics projects.
Sure enough, only a few minutes into that, the door creaked open and my wife walked in and sat down. She asked me what I was working on, so I explained briefly. An awkward silence followed, and then she asked, "So, I found something while I was cleaning up the garage and I don't understand it." I turned to her and asked her what she wanted to know, but immediately felt like a jerk because I could tell that she was about as nervous asking as I would be telling. Finally, she asked, "What were those diapers for?" I began by telling her that they were in my car trunk while I decided what to do with them (which is true--I've never felt like dumping my stash more than now!). I told her that, as much as I wished I could tell her that I didn't like to wear diapers, it was an urge I'd had for as long as I could remember, and something I seemed to be stuck with. I told her that I was sorry for keeping it a secret, and that I hoped she would understand why I would be too embarrassed to bring it up. She seemed to be nodding in agreement, but then said, "I wish you could trust me." I certainly deserved that.
To make a long story short: That's it. No more was said of the diapers. I was not asked whether my interest in diapers was sexual, nor was I asked whether I used my diapers for their intended purpose. Basically, the surface was barely scratched. Instead, she simply followed by telling me that she was going to bed early, which is actually the norm for Friday since she coaches a marathon running group on Saturday. The rest of the bedtime routine was slightly quieter than normal, though hugs and kisses were exchanged. As usual, I got up early this morning with her, made her a to-go latte and printed up the maps for her team. She seemed very happy and appreciative, said, "I love you," hugs, kisses--no longer apprehensive. That's positive, I suppose!
Butů I pretty much failed to take things head-on, and consequently they're still largely unresolved. I don't really know what she thinks, although I appear not to be hurtling toward divorce or anything so dire. What to do next? Ask her if there's any *more* she would like to know? Ask her what she would like me to do? An optimistic read of things might be that I've been given license to carry on in private, but I can't honestly say I know what would happen if she found my diapers again, so in that sense it's like nothing has changed.
Sorry for the anticlimax!