I think I may have "grown out" of my fetish
by, 26-Feb-2012 at 08:52 (549 Views)
Emphasis on I THINK.
*Warning: Contains mature and potentially offensive (in a non-sexual way) content!
I managed to masturbate to pictures of a semi-naked woman in very provocative poses, and I also had means of altering my mental state the same night (not sure if this has anything to do with it), and now I don't find diapers on women, or diapers in general, arousing. At all. It's actually kind of a turn-off.
It's like I never even had a fetish. I try to watch diaper porn but it doesn't do anything, and I find myself focusing on other normal things besides the diaper after a while. To say the least, this is a huge breakthrough for my personal experience living with this fetish.
Now for the potentially offensive stuff...
I absolutely despise the fetish. It's fucking weird, and it's going to be a turn-off to many women. You can say a woman never loved you if she didn't accept it, but let's get real: marriage and relationships are almost entirely based off sex. Relationships themselves are friendships with sex thrown into the mix, at best. No one will ever see our side of it. Society is too strong and influential to let us get away with finding diapers arousing. I don't know many women who are open-minded enough so as to not be influenced by society in some way, not only in this (American) society would this fetish be weird, but most definitely in others. Diapers are for people who can't use the toilet, used for holding human waste that is full of bacteria, not to mention the god-awful smell. Who in their right mind would accept someone else who finds this sexy?
Mind you, I'm not down-talking infantilism. I've never gotten into that, and never planned on it. I'm talking about the fetish, which most will agree is entirely separate from infantilism.
Now I'm not 100% sure if I have just grown out of it or if I've just managed to induce a really strong purge cycle, but all I know is that even though I have a stash, I haven't had the faintest desire to wear for...I think a week and a half. Which is a damn long time for me when I have access. I'm 80% sure I've grown out of it though, because my purge cycles would never last this long. Plus, the whole thing talked about in the first paragraph is too coincidental for it to just be a purge.
This fetish has been a blessing and a curse all at the same time. I've pretty much been made to be who I am because of it, and it's certainly helped in my acceptance of others regardless of what they may or may not like, and it has probably indirectly led me to my life-changing spiritual epiphany in some indirect way.
But on the other hand, it's given me countless amounts of grief, self-doubt, and self-hatred. So to that aspect, I say good riddens.
I really want to write a story about this fetish as well and how I felt about it, and what it is to me. I think I will.