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ChriscoStick

Just a rant

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As the title says this is nothing but a rant. By the end it probably won't even have a logical train of thought.

I have had chronic depression due to childhood problems that I don't feel like going into (see first blog). I've been going to therapy for about a month. The problem is that due to my depression I go spiral downward into extreme depression with severe mood swings.

When I go into these mood swings my family tends to bitch at me for being grumpy. They know what happened to me since I had to explain why I needed to go to therapy but apparently they think 3 years is enough time to overcome 10 years of extreme abuse.

My family also has the habit of suddenly deciding to start talking about how great god is and how horrible homosexuality is. They don't know that I am bi and atheist. Since my mom watches fashion shows and home shows, she ends up seeing at least one gay or lesbian a day and then rants about how terrible it is. My dad loves to talk about how self-centered and selfish atheists are and how they think they are "too good for a god". Listening to them degrade me on basically a daily basis is driving me crazy.
I can't tell them the truth because they would likely kick me out and I don't have a job so that wouldn't work out.

Now that I have actually started to think about who I am (only been able to for about a year) I'm starting to question if I might be transgender. I am very interested in sissy play and cross-dressing. I have never actually cross-dressed so I can't say for sure if it's a turn-on or makes me feel more me. I've always been more of a feminine guy but could never express that side of myself because of my family and the area I lived required all males to be "macho" under threat of beating. I've always loved things like chick flicks, I have no idea. Well that concludes my rant.
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  1. fifigal's Avatar
    Hang in there, Crisco. In a very few short years from now, you will be able to get out on your own. Then, if you choose, you can tell your family what ever you want, without the fear of having no place to live. I have read about the abuse you suffered, and I am so very sorry you had to endure this. I hope the therapy helps, and that things get better for you very soon. Take care, and best wishes.
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