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System Destruction

Yep... Depressed.

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I'm so utterly depressed now, and I'm not even sure why.

My emotions don't even make sense right now, I guess I'm looking at life differently right now. I just need to get out of this sadness area I'm in right now

I don't really like how inconsiderate I am to others, people are so kind to me and yet I show no empathy or interest back in what they have done or said. I feel like somehow I'm being selfish about it, and while I have no idea how to act when people do things like that it doesn't help but make me feel a little bit upset that I may come off as being cold and careless.

In addition with my difficulties of people doing things, I've jumped onto another roadblock with sarcasm. I can't pick up sarcasm at all, and I always fear that people may just be being sarcastic towards me, which would make what they said inconsiderate. So I feel slightly upset by nice things being said to me, and when they say mean or snide things to me, then says they are just joking or being sarcastic I can't help but wonder whether or not they actually were being sarcastic or if they are serious.

Before I used to actually welcome the fact I had little empathy, or emotion. But now I really miss it; I notice how this is ironic as I say I'm depressed and no emotion, but I think you can get my point here.

I know it's impossible to change how I act towards people and how I perceive their acts, and it never used to bother me before. But without going into a circular rant, I just feel angry with myself. Almost as though it's my fault that people dislike me. I try quite hard to be kind to people, but I just have such a hard time understanding the vibes that are going on. I don't even know when other people have become disinterested in me being there, or that they might be giving me hints that I should leave. which leads to me being overly awkward when talking to anyone because I always feel like I have overstayed my welcome.


tl;dr: Lobie is depressed, </Rant>
Tags: depressed, lobie, rant, sad


  1. MsClara's Avatar
    I recognise what you say Lobie, I've been like that in the past: the blankness, the absent emotions, days bleeding into each other and drifting away...
    Just remember that there are people in your life who care about you and want to understand x
  2. Zeek61's Avatar
    Depression does weird things to people in all different ways. It is not surprising that you are less interested in the cues that people are giving to you if you are feeling as depressed as you are describing. The times i have been depressed i have been very disinterested in the cues of other people and question what it is that they are really trying to say. The way i see it is that if you aren't feeling right with yourself and understand why you feel like you do, then there is no way that you can expect to be able to understand cues from other people. It is pretty clear that there are a lot of things that are going on in your life right now but the thing is, you really need to try and sort things out in order to help improve your mood. I totally know that this is easier said than done but you will be surprised how much positivity can rub off on you. Is this something that occurs often for you? or in long periods? because if that is the case, it might be a good idea to see a doctor (or psychologist) to try and get some help with your thoughts. That is not to say that i think you are crazy or anything, but it is the jobs of doctor's to fix/manage/prevent the problems that you will/do have. Depression is no different to any other medical condition in that there is something that is not right with you and you can go and get it sorted out (with a lot of work). Sure a psychologist might seem like a strange thing to do, but talking about what is going on in your head and having someone else to help guide you through the issues you have can be a really good thing. More often than not, they can show you where your problem at least starts. And knowing where it starts means that you can slowly figure out each problem that you are having and be better for it.

    Other thing is that it is not impossible to change the way you act. Sure, it is a hard and long journey to do it, but never impossible. It starts with you realising everything you are doing (or which you seem to be doing already) and slowly trying to alter what you do and recognising when you are immediately falling back and doing what you previously did (and correcting it). So it's not impossible and can be done but ultimately, you need to be putting in the effort to do that.

    I hope that no matter what, you will always try and stay positive because it helps a lot. Sometimes a break from everything is exactly what you need (especially from the stresses of university). A day off from studying/lectures may help, or going for a massage (something i try to do as much as i can) or even sitting in your room with a nice smelling candle burning can help your mind figure out which way is up again. Im sure that you will be able to get things sorted out and i would be more than ok to say that you have the support from everyone here
  3. Lobie's Avatar
    Thanks for the replies guys.

    It's not a matter of having to try and change how I act around social situations, and what not. I have always been trying to learn social interactions and what not. It really isn't a big deal, just a struggle with understanding social situations at all times :P

    But thanks, I've though of a psychiatrist before but... never went.
  4. Zeek61's Avatar
    Can i ask why it was that why you thought about seeing one that you didn't end up going? It can be a big step going to see a psychiatrist/psychologist for many people and it is probably because there is still a lot of stigma attached with seeing one. Not saying that this was the reason you decided against it (as there are many other reasons) but like i said before, telling someone else about your problems can be a pretty big thing and be therapeutic in its own right. Plus, the added benefit is that if there really is something wrong with your brain chemistry (with signalling that isn't working properly, or not enough of a specific type of neurotransmitter in the brain) this can also be rectified and can also help with your overall mood. I wouldn't say that you do have that kind of problem (because to be honest, i can't yet make that kind of true opinion myself, that is why i recommend seeing someone), but it can be a possibility and definitely is something that should be explored (especial if you have many periods of depression).

    My thoughts are with you and i hope that you feel somewhat better (and relieved) in expressing what is going on and knowing that there are people that care to listen (or in this case, read).
  5. Lobie's Avatar
    Well, it's not that I specifically chose not to go. However, my life is a bit complicated and busy so I really have little time outside of everything I have to do among university and what not.

    The last time I seriously thought of a psychiatrist was when I was about 14~17 and suicidal. Mainly due to suicidal thoughts; I don't have any reason to seek medication at this time, I'm more or less curious about why I am this way.

    Depression doesn't usually last long for me anymore, when I was younger I was depressed most of the time just about 6 or 7 years. I actually find psychology quite interesting and have formulated my own ideas, assertions, or possibilities of what could be wrong but don't see any purpose of a psychiatrist outside of curiosity, and to maybe ease the (insert the word I'm looking for here ) - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.