by, 22-Oct-2011 at 15:33 (411 Views)
I'm so utterly depressed now, and I'm not even sure why.
My emotions don't even make sense right now, I guess I'm looking at life differently right now. I just need to get out of this sadness area I'm in right now
I don't really like how inconsiderate I am to others, people are so kind to me and yet I show no empathy or interest back in what they have done or said. I feel like somehow I'm being selfish about it, and while I have no idea how to act when people do things like that it doesn't help but make me feel a little bit upset that I may come off as being cold and careless.
In addition with my difficulties of people doing things, I've jumped onto another roadblock with sarcasm. I can't pick up sarcasm at all, and I always fear that people may just be being sarcastic towards me, which would make what they said inconsiderate. So I feel slightly upset by nice things being said to me, and when they say mean or snide things to me, then says they are just joking or being sarcastic I can't help but wonder whether or not they actually were being sarcastic or if they are serious.
Before I used to actually welcome the fact I had little empathy, or emotion. But now I really miss it; I notice how this is ironic as I say I'm depressed and no emotion, but I think you can get my point here.
I know it's impossible to change how I act towards people and how I perceive their acts, and it never used to bother me before. But without going into a circular rant, I just feel angry with myself. Almost as though it's my fault that people dislike me. I try quite hard to be kind to people, but I just have such a hard time understanding the vibes that are going on. I don't even know when other people have become disinterested in me being there, or that they might be giving me hints that I should leave. which leads to me being overly awkward when talking to anyone because I always feel like I have overstayed my welcome.
tl;dr: Lobie is depressed, </Rant>