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Abdljosh

I think I'm addicted to diapers... in a bad way

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So I've gotten in to a very bad routine of wearing diapers on very specific school days. Every week since school has started I would wear diapers all day on Monday and Wednesday, which was most convenient because I was at school for 10 to 11 hours and had a lot of down time. However, this past Monday I told myself not to wear diapers strictly because I did not want to stink by the end of the day when I had a presentation to give in Spanish. I couldn't help myself - I had a diaper stashed under the passenger seat in my car, I knew it was there from the week before and it was calling my name, almost shouting it. To shut it up, I finally put it on and drowned it in my urine. But one diaper turned into 3 diapers as this one diaper had been feeding my fetish relentlessly. I went so far as to get a Red Bull from the store knowing that it would make me have to pee a lot later on. Then, an hour before school, I started freaking out. Not only was my privacy in the parking lot being invaded by arrogant young druggies trying to get high in the least seen spot at school (my spot) but I was starting to find the need to go a lot due to the Red Bull and I wanted to rub one out all before school. I still wanted to pull off trying to smell like a normal person at the same time, but my fetish just kept taking over. I drove off to another level of the parking lot that had a little bit of foot traffic, but if I was careful I could do my business without anyone seeing, and so I did my business. In my car on the fourth level of the parking lot I had to take my diaper off and reveal myself making a huge risk of being seen. In the end I did manage to get the diapers off and spray some air freshener on myself. I don't know what kind of impression I made in class but it seemed all normal.

My problem is now that I'm growing into a state that even if I didn't want to wear diapers for any logical reason during a time in which wearing diapers would have been optimal, I would still give into my fetish and wear diapers anyway. Now every time I do my business in diapers (not the yellow or brown colored business) I get the sudden feeling of never wanting to be in diapers ever again. Yet I still find myself just going back to it because it is good and it makes me feel good. Maybe I like the rush of wearing a diaper under my clothes or maybe I just like the convenience of being able to pee wherever I want. In any case my fetish will always dominate any casual impression I try to take on while wearing diapers. When I do wear diapers and happen to go a whole day without doing my business I feel like I have wasted the diaper, even though I logically know I have used to the diaper for its intended purpose.

Sometimes I want to go to a therapist about this because sometimes I feel very paranoid for no reason and other times I couldn't give a shit what people think or if they find out I wear diapers. I just feel like there are two very opposite feeling colliding with each other inside of me. Maybe I don't know what addiction is... I have been smoking on and off for the better part of 2 years, but it takes me about a week to smoke a whole pack, but this feeling I have for diapers and the urge to get off in them feels so much stronger than any other habit I've had.

The days that I go without diapers, the days that have already been established are not days for wearing diapers, I do not get urges to do my business and I hardly even think about diapers with the exception of occasionally visiting Adisc and other related diaper sites. Sometimes I wonder if I'm tweaking my brain in a very bad way to respond to opportunistic situations. I wonder if addiction is a symptom of the mental patterns my brain makes. I wonder if knowing I'm probably addicted to smoking is causing my addiction to diapers to seem more severe than it actually is. I have actually gone to therapists about this and have actually only told one about my thing with diapers, but I only made it seem like diapers were a source of security. I haven't actually told anyone that I pee and cum my diapers and don't plan to do so with anyone not into diapers.
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  1. Trevor's Avatar
    It does kind of sound like you're going off the rails with this. Is there something in your life that's going on that might be pushing this kind of thing? Is this the first time you've really had the option to wear whenever you wanted? I'm just curious as to whether this is sort of a bingy thing or a reaction to something else that's going on or is it more like its growing of its own accord?

    Diapers are good for all the things you described, so I can certainly understand the appeal. Sometimes I want them more than others and I've certainly done stupid things regarding them (although less often as I get older). I didn't have the kind of freedom to wear (or good diapers either) you're describing when I was your age, so I can't really say whether I would have also been overindulging. For me, when the options opened up, the urgency was greatly reduced.
  2. Abdljosh's Avatar
    This may sound like I'm a bit psychotically unstable, but I have always fantasized about wearing diapers all the time - or at least whenever I want. I built my imagination around a complete lifestyle in which have that included some feasibility within reasonable ways of obtaining my dream. More specifically I had imagined that one day, eventually in life, I would finally have my own place and be able to have a closet full of diapers. On my off days I would conduct my normal day to day in-house activities in nothing but a wife beater and a diaper. Of course I have other fantasies but I have managed to make this one more of a goal for myself to one day achieve.

    So far I'm nowhere near that goal. I live in a small apartment with my mom, I've been out of a job for over a year (living off of unemployment) and the household income is minimal. Long story short, I do not see this goal happening anytime soon. In hindsight, I can see why I would want to binge on diapers, but it doesn't feed into anything more than my fetish. Are fetishes really known for taking such a huge impact on someone? Could there be any other factors involved which I may be excluding for personal reasons?
  3. Trevor's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by Abdljosh
    This may sound like I'm a bit psychotically unstable, but I have always fantasized about wearing diapers all the time - or at least whenever I want. I built my imagination around a complete lifestyle in which have that included some feasibility within reasonable ways of obtaining my dream. More specifically I had imagined that one day, eventually in life, I would finally have my own place and be able to have a closet full of diapers. On my off days I would conduct my normal day to day in-house activities in nothing but a wife beater and a diaper. Of course I have other fantasies but I have managed to make this one more of a goal for myself to one day achieve.
    I don't think there's anything the least bit unusual about that fantasy for one of us. Some people do decide to go 24/7. It's not my cup of tea; I prefer diapers to be somewhat out of the ordinary. When they start to feel like my regular underwear, a lot of the appeal goes away. I don't think there's anything wrong with the 24/7 model as long as one can afford it and is still a functioning member of society. Some people need diapers and if you "need" them psychologically, I think there are worse methods of coping. When I didn't have diapers or even know that they existed for adults, I was plagued with fantasies of what it might be like to be able to wear them. I'm still nuts about them but having them available really took the edge off.



    So far I'm nowhere near that goal. I live in a small apartment with my mom, I've been out of a job for over a year (living off of unemployment) and the household income is minimal. Long story short, I do not see this goal happening anytime soon. In hindsight, I can see why I would want to binge on diapers, but it doesn't feed into anything more than my fetish. Are fetishes really known for taking such a huge impact on someone? Could there be any other factors involved which I may be excluding for personal reasons?
    I see. I don't think it really needs to do anything more than feed the fetish. The problem is, it's cutting into some reasonable boundaries you've set for yourself. Since you appear not to want to advertise to everyone that you're keen on them, discretion is called for, and that's what you're having trouble with.

    Try to manage your anxiety as well as your fetish. The whole ABDL thing seems worse/weirder when we repress it. Try changing up your schedule or to make an effort to take the edge off with masturbation on other days. This thing is in our heads. The props are most excellent but you'd be every bit as much what you are if you never touched another diaper again and you have the experiences to draw on. Embrace your inner ABDL but try to avoid doing things that are going to have negative consequences for you in the real world.

    I hope that's of some help. Maybe someone else will chime in.
  4. avery's Avatar
    i'm a big advocate of wearing daipers as often as you please. it's the best way to achieve a healthy balance in life and maintain an interest in other things without being tormented by a constant obsession with diapers.

    what you should be taking steps to avoid is smelling bad around other people, and even more so masturbating in public. that's a sure-fire way to get a reputation as a creepo. save it for when you're at home, in private. and see if you can find a more private place than your car to change -- is there a disabled restroom you could use? that way you can wear diapers as often as you like during the day and change when they start smelling funky. if you keep changing your diapers and beating off in your car it's only a matter of time before people start noticing.
  5. Abdljosh's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by avery
    i'm a big advocate of wearing daipers as often as you please. it's the best way to achieve a healthy balance in life and maintain an interest in other things without being tormented by a constant obsession with diapers.

    what you should be taking steps to avoid is smelling bad around other people, and even more so masturbating in public. that's a sure-fire way to get a reputation as a creepo. save it for when you're at home, in private. and see if you can find a more private place than your car to change -- is there a disabled restroom you could use? that way you can wear diapers as often as you like during the day and change when they start smelling funky. if you keep changing your diapers and beating off in your car it's only a matter of time before people start noticing.
    I know I have to take some extra steps about the smell and I do when I can. There are technically handicapped restrooms at school, but they are far less private than my car. You see when I park my car, I try to find a spot that is nowhere near anyone else, and I can usually pull it off, except as of late, some other people have started hanging out there and smoking weed all day long. I only start running the risk of being seen in my car when I park anywhere else. As for the bathrooms, well, there is a handicapped stall, but I really don't feel comfortable changing in those bathrooms as there is always at least one other person in the bathroom with me. I go to a big and populated school so every public bathroom you could find there is almost always occupied with at least two people.



    Try to manage your anxiety as well as your fetish. The whole ABDL thing seems worse/weirder when we repress it. Try changing up your schedule or to make an effort to take the edge off with masturbation on other days. This thing is in our heads. The props are most excellent but you'd be every bit as much what you are if you never touched another diaper again and you have the experiences to draw on. Embrace your inner ABDL but try to avoid doing things that are going to have negative consequences for you in the real world.
    Well, changing my school schedule is a bit out of the question until next quarter. In any case I have tried before to get masturbation out of the way before even putting a diaper - and in the comfort of my own house, but I have still caught myself getting off in diapers the same day (I don't usually need to get off more than once a day and I really only do it 3-4 times a week). It really does help to masturbate to other things when I'm not in diaper, it takes the edge off, but even so when I'm presented with the opportunity to wear diapers then I wear diapers, when I'm presented with the opportunity to pee in them, I pee in them and when I'm presented with the opportunity to masturbate in them, I masturbate in them. To me this is all a game of opportunity now, but it still feels like an addiction somehow.

    I have also tried to place my interests in other categories of fetishes, but diapers have always superseded any other fetish (mainly because it is the easiest and safest fetish to pull off). I'm trying to keep my ABDL fantasies at bay by trying to get into other aspects of the scene (Babyfur - Furryart) and it helps sometimes... but its like trying to hold a reservoir of water up with a wall of sticks. Sometimes I feel that if I want to take complete control of this, I have to completely cut off diapers from my life. I only say that because that has been the consequential remedy of problems I had when I was younger (my parents found my stash then I would have to trash all of them). The problem is, and my parents don't even know this, I always find myself edging back towards diapers after some given amount of time away from them.

    P.S. I'm really thankful for both your guys' input on this blog it really means a lot that people have actually read it and are trying to understand
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