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Late-year reflections

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I'm in a reflective mood right now. So, I decided to take this opportunity to make a blog entry.

I've never been one to readily talk about myself. I just haven't seen the point in it. I tried keeping a journal for awhile when I was younger because people told me that it was a good thing to do. They said that you could look back through it and remember things that you have forgotten. And, you could see just how much you change with time.

After being here at ADISC for 8 months, I know some things are evolving within me. I've seen how many other people are coping with ABDL. I'm surprised to see so many kids here. But, I guess the new generation is so tuned into technology that it's second-nature to them.

I think that having a forum to discuss my ABDL feelings would have really helped me when I was younger. I never knew of anyone who shared this interest when I was growing up. I kept it so far in the background that I think it contributed greatly to my shyness.

When I look backwards, I'm really saddened to find that I have forgotten so much of my own life already. I believe that the past really shapes who we are in the present. And, it's important to know your past to understand who you are.

I'm nearly 30 now. And I have never had a relationship. I've not had any real-life friends since I was a young kid. What does that say about me?

Well, I'm tempted to blame others and the challenges I've faced. I have always tried to be a good person. But, I have despised others for not being "good people" in my eyes. And, in response, I have hidden my heart away from the world as a whole.

I believe that I have endured a lot of emotional abuse from others. But, I also admit that I am an unusually sensitive person. And, my own reactions have contributed to where I am at right now.

I'm not sure where I'm going. But, I'm determined to make it work out right somehow.

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