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What do I do now?

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For the past month my Mom has been out of state, she has been training for her new job. She has come home tonight, I was so excited to see her....She however was not so returning of the gesture.

Some how the conversation quickly got turned onto why I had been hanging around with my Dad. My Moms exact words to me were that she did not care if I kept a relationship with him. Despite all the lies that have been told to me by my Dad, he is still my father and the only one I will ever have and being as the month that my Mom was gone was really lonely, I gave my Dad a call.

My Mom started yelling at me that she could not believe that I was hanging around with him and she starts going off on how horrible of a person he is and the only reason he is doing it, is to show to his new soon to be wife that he is a good Dad. About 5 minutes of yelling and she storms off. Feeling like complete shit I go and crawl into bed.

Couple minutes later my Mom is back at my door screaming again. She starts asking if I met my Dads new fiance. I know better than to tell her the truth, but being a bad liar I said nothing. Her response "Oh my god, you did!" I tried to explain that I did not know it was going to happen, this was a bad idea as she had apparently called my Dad and he told her that I agreed to meet her. I at this point I said "what does it matter?"

This started a new wave of yelling that she feels betrayed and she hopes that I have fun with my new family. emphasis on the word "new" that I now had a new Mommy and brothers and sisters. She said she would not be coming back from Chicago, I was the only reason she came back to Colorado, but since I "betrayed" her, she saw no reason in staying. She wants me to get my stuff out of my grandparents house (where I planned on moving into, since our house is foreclosing) and wished me luck on finding a place to stay.

Last thing she said to me, she has stormed out of the house and drove off. I am still in tears. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. I am hurt beyond what I have ever felt before. I always had such a good relationship with my Mom and wanted one with my Dad, but it seems I cannot have either. I just want to die right now, I don't feel good, I can't see straight, My head is killing me from crying so hard. Please what do I do?


  1. FauxPas's Avatar
    I'm going to go for a walk. Need to clear my head.
  2. BabyBeau's Avatar
    That sucks hard man. I really don't know what else to say. I don't know your mom or the situation. All I can really offer is that from what you have here, it sound very much like "heat of the moment" words, and she was being irrational. I know that does not really help now, but she may feel different when she calms down.

    I'm guessing that when your parents split, it was hard and ugly, because it sounds like there is still some really hurt feelings there. Your dad getting re-married is likely throwing salt in old wounds, and you have to be strong, and be there for your mom. She may not want to get you involved in how she feels, and she may try to push you away, but you gotta be strong for her (and you too).

    All the best, Wing. Hang in there and let me know how it goes, cause I will be worried about you. <HUGS>
  3. avery's Avatar
    wow, what a family. your mom is clearly a little bit neurotic, but it's clear that she said all those things because she cares about you. think about it -- if you didn't mean anything to her how could she be feeling betrayed by you? don't be too proud to try to patch up your relationship with her -- just give her a few days to calm down first.

    she does sound like a really neurotic woman, though. she has no right to tell you you can't spend time with your dad, or to guilt trip you if you do spend time with him. also, if she's leaving for chicago doesn't that make it your grandparents' decision whether or not you can move in with them?
  4. Akastus's Avatar
    I would suggest putting some distance between you and your mother for a time. It may be a “heat of the moment” thing, in which case she will need time to cool off, but equally, it may be an expression of a high level of lingering bitterness in your mother, which is something you need to be very wary of.

    I don’t know anything about your father, but since my mother is a family lawyer, I’ve heard the details of enough messy breakups to know that just because a woman (and it is almost always women) claims that their ex-husband is evil, that doesn’t make it so. Her accusation that you have “betrayed” her is the classical sign of a bitter woman, and believe me, the sheer level of spite and bitterness that some women can display towards their ex is astounding. In such cases, it’s not uncommon to find children being deliberately turned against their fathers, so that they can be used as emotional weapons.

    I’d say that it might be time to do some investigating as to what really went on between them. I’m sure you’ve heard your mother’s side of the story, but have you talked frankly with your father about it, and moreover, have you discussed it with people who knew them when they were still married? Only when you know the facts can you determine if what your mother needs is support, or a swift kick up the arse. At the end of the day, she has no say whatsoever in your relationship with your father.

    If your mother is so bitter about your father that she would rather destroy her relationship with you, rather than see you have any sort of relationship with him, then you are probably better of away from her.
  5. TheWolfEmperor's Avatar
    I really can't think of anything sensitive or emotionally appropriate to say to you. And it's not because I don't sympathize with you. It's because my mother has always been the way that your mother was in that night.

    In my mother's eyes, she can do no wrong. But everyone can do wrong to her. And if you've never done anything wrong to her she'll damn sure find something for you to have done to her, to justify why she treats you like crap.

    To be quite blunt, my mother is a borderline schizophrenic and it probably had a lot to do with her mother being a genuine schizophrenic. I don't care what her reasoning is, she put me and my brothers through hell growing up.

    For that reason my knee jerk reaction to what you're telling us is not what you want to hear. Because I do sympathize with you whole heartedly. But the thing I don't want to tell you is something that you don't want to have to hear right now.

    But PM me if you need to talk. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.