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LilRetroBoy

feeling ashamed of my AB side

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Exactly a week ago to day i was promoting an LGBT (lesbian gay bisexual transgender) youth support group in 1 of the local parks to me and it was going gr8 we had T-shirts on that had the groups message on that its ok to be different.
me and two other people promoting the group got a rainbow painted on our face by some 1 who had a face painting stall there that day

soon after we got the painting done we went for lunch break in town and we bumped in to a old school friend of mine who i had not seen in seven years the two girls who were with me also new my old school friend as they go to the same college as him,
any way im getting off track

me and my old school friend(im keeping him nameless just because i feel it best to) swap numbers and arranged to hang out at his mum and dads house on the 15th of august any way we did and it was grate fun

but seeing his room with no remnants of child hood present it has made me hide all my AB related things and childish things and i feel sick to my stomach that i indulge in the AB fantasy i don't deserve it why couldn't have a normal fetish or no need for a fetish i feel at this point i should point out i have romantic feelings for this old school friend who is straight so i no we can be nothing but friends he is coming to mine(well my mum and dads house) on the 23rd of august.
i just want him to see me as normal as he is we clearly live very differently but two things that we have in common is cerebral palsy and a love for crime fiction

Comments

  1. Trevor's Avatar
    I think you're idealizing your friend and others and you have no idea of the potential inner turmoil of their lives. The whole point of the way you met up again was to get you to accept differences in yourself and others and you've accorded yourself no lattitude. There's nothing intrinsic in ABDL-ism that makes you abormal in the general sense, it's all in how you express it. Many people have unusual kinks. Some are more socially acceptable than ours some are less.

    For me, this was something that produced a lot of anguish and self-recrimination as I was growing up. I fnally came to terms with it just for myself but I still saw it as nothing more than a burden. It was when I was able to be social with others that I really turned the corner and began to see the potential positives. Everyone is going to have a different path in dealing with this but I hope you will be able to see this from a better perspective.
  2. LilRetroBoy's Avatar
    thanks trevor i did not realize i was idolizing my friend but i see it now and i know being AB isn't a bad thing i just feel guilty some times because i want to be able to share this with friends i have told a couple of people they are fine with me doing it just they don't want to partake if i tell this old school friend about my AB side i worry he wont want to be my friend no more which makes me sad so best thing i can do is hide it at least for now

    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor
    I think you're idealizing your friend and others and you have no idea of the potential inner turmoil of their lives. The whole point of the way you met up again was to get you to accept differences in yourself and others and you've accorded yourself no lattitude. There's nothing intrinsic in ABDL-ism that makes you abormal in the general sense, it's all in how you express it. Many people have unusual kinks. Some are more socially acceptable than ours some are less.

    For me, this was something that produced a lot of anguish and self-recrimination as I was growing up. I fnally came to terms with it just for myself but I still saw it as nothing more than a burden. It was when I was able to be social with others that I really turned the corner and began to see the potential positives. Everyone is going to have a different path in dealing with this but I hope you will be able to see this from a better perspective.
  3. LilRetroBoy's Avatar
    i never thought of AB as being enjoyed like a meal you guys are right i need to just stop and think before my fears and imagination run away with me u guys have kept me grounded i am realizing my errors and putting them rite i do feel it best to keep my AB side hidden from my friend but at least now i will be able to enjoy my self on tuesday instead of worrying about him finding out about my AB side

    Quote Originally Posted by nappiboy
    Hey, as Trevor said you seem to be idealizing your friend and thinking that he has nothing in his life that he could hate. Most people have something that they wish they could change about themselves.

    Is it so bad to be ABDL? I to took a long time to accept this site of my life. But I have found know that I accept it and that It is ok to enjoy it. Accepting isn't easy, it takes a lot of soul searching. What did it for me was that I was able to realize that I was not hurting anyone. It was just something for me to enjoy like a great meal.

    The only thing I would suggest is to take things easy, stop and smell the roses sometime.

    The only other thing I would suggest is to be careful concerning your friend. I had good friend who is gay that I grow up with, one day he told me he was gay (I'm not and he new), I said to him that's ok your still who you are and my friend, all was well in our friendship until one day when we were surfing, when we got back to the car to go and he confessed feelings that he had for me. I told him that you know I'm not gay, I'm not interested. To cut a long story short our friendship ended after that as he couldn't face being my friend. He felt embarrassed by what he had told me.

    Anyway I hope this helps, good luck.
  4. Trevor's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by LilRetroBoy
    thanks trevor i did not realize i was idolizing my friend but i see it now and i know being AB isn't a bad thing i just feel guilty some times because i want to be able to share this with friends i have told a couple of people they are fine with me doing it just they don't want to partake if i tell this old school friend about my AB side i worry he wont want to be my friend no more which makes me sad so best thing i can do is hide it at least for now
    I look at it a little differently. I don't see myself sharing this with anyone who isn't going to be involved with it or with me. An uninvolved friend is, well, uninvolved. There have been times when it would be more convenient to have everything out in the open but lots of things are like that. We all show different sides of our personalities to different people and we have different friends for different interests. I think you may start see it differently if you find someone with whom you can share real intimacy, including these aspects of yourself.

    In the meantime, you've got the forum. We're here to talk and support, so don't be shy about making use of it.
  5. LilRetroBoy's Avatar
    thanks i felt really bad for posting the post that started all this but im feeling much better about it all now because you are right we do have different friend for different interests i wold like it if i could be open about my ab side to all my friends but i cant see it ever being a reality

    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor
    I look at it a little differently. I don't see myself sharing this with anyone who isn't going to be involved with it or with me. An uninvolved friend is, well, uninvolved. There have been times when it would be more convenient to have everything out in the open but lots of things are like that. We all show different sides of our personalities to different people and we have different friends for different interests. I think you may start see it differently if you find someone with whom you can share real intimacy, including these aspects of yourself.

    In the meantime, you've got the forum. We're here to talk and support, so don't be shy about making use of it.
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