by, 15-Aug-2011 at 22:30 (366 Views)
I'm a bit bored so I'd thought I would make good use of my free time to let some of my thoughts out.
I am having a difficult time trying to hide my sexuality from my family and friends. I recently accepted myself as gay and felt quite good about the fact that I was. Well, on saturday, I've got to go to a cousins wedding and we were looking at past wedding photos.
My parents were saying how they were looking forward to when I marry a lovely beautiful women. I felt really awkward as I know now that isn't what I want. I just want to blurt it out to them that I'm gay, but I'm not sure how they'll take it if I tell them. They've gone through a lot of physical pain over the last 10 years or so, and with the stressful business of trying to move house and the current state of the economy, I feel like I don't want to put extra stress on them.
I had a major regression the other night which was fantastic. I was feeling pretty down and decided to have a bit of toddler time. It was just what I needed. I even messed for the first time in ages, and I felt so happy and cheerful. It is something that I am going to have to do more often. It's such a stress reliever for me.
I am also beginning to embrace my caretaker side. I have a few cousins who are 2-3 years old and I had so much fun, well caretaking. I suppose a bit of my *B side came out as well, but it was fun looking after them, feeding, playing etc.
In other news, my laptop is on its last legs and is pretty much falling to pieces. I've got a holiday in Spain in 2 and a half weeks to look forward too and I'm getting my hours extended at work soon, so not all bad news.