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irataliw

Middle Child Syndrom and my theory

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I think I read somewhere that a LOT of AB/TB/DL's are middle children.

I think for me, that explains a little of my dl self.
My parents fought, and I know that is cliche. Everyone's parents fight. A marriage is not healthy if the parents are not fighting, but they did something that they probably shouldn't have. They put me in the middle. Whether by complaining to me about the other or having me act as mediator to them both I always felt like a mini-counselor to my parents. Even as a small child I would always be thinking how to improve their marriage, how to help them.

Add to that trying to shine in the shadow of an older brother, be a good example to the younger brother, and try to differentiate yourself from other people and you have a stressful childhood of never being able to simply relax and be a kid. (Being a military brat didn't help as we moved every 3-5 years)

The desire to leave the stress, to calm down, to think about a simpler time brings out the diapers for me. That seems like the only time when I was carefree and happy. Now I am very happy, somewhat successful, and still in diapers. I think a lot of that calm and self confidence comes from the destressor in my pants. For this reason I never understood why this was called a fetish. There are a lot of people like me who are not sexually stimulated by diapers. They merely calm me down, center me, and allow me to be the best person I can be.

Still trying, of course.
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  1. Zeek61's Avatar
    Whilst i understand that what you have said is probably the case for you, there are always exceptions. For example, it is the complete opposite for me. Im the youngest in my family and yet i was still the one that my parents/sister/brother came to when there was a fight between any of them. I guess you could say that this fact was a contributor in my ab side of things. After all, in order to help other people you need to be mature enough to understand the problem and what is causing it. So this more or less (for me at least) kind of made me "lose" some of my childhood. However, i don't think that it was necessarily the biggest thing for me. I think in my case it was the bullying that i had to deal with in school (of which i actually had cosmetic surgery to correct the problem when i was in high school). I think that this was a huge contributor, so in other words, i feel that i matured far faster then what i was supposed to in order to be able to deal with all these problems. And not only that, but i know that being little is a way to hide from these problems (i no longer have them now because I'm at university now) and feel the safety of my parents. And i guess you could also say that my parents did "baby" mea little bit with the bullying problem that i had in that i would often cry about what had happened when explaining it to my mum and she would comfort me and to try and help me deal with these issues. However, I'm not 100% sure that this contributed to my ab side because of the fact that the majority of parents would want to comfort their crying child, even if they are older.

    I think that whilst what you have written is a good observation, i do think that there is a lot more too it than just stress from living up to an older sibling and setting an example for a younger sibling. However, in your case this might have been a factor for you but this is purely my own perspective (as i have never been in this situation myself as i am the "baby" of the family :P). I can definitely see that it would cause stress and could potentially be a contributing factor to other problems. However, i think in your brief childhood summary, you have identified the biggest reason for true AB tendencies (and by this i mean purely AB feeling without the sexual aspect to it) which is "growing up" at a rate that is too fast for the individual due to external factors (such as having to deal with parents fighting or maturing to cope with teasing and bullying). i also believe that the converse is also true (and by that i mean that being "babied" by parents too long can cause similar problems as there is reinforcement to a child that it is ok to remain with babyish tendencies because the parents allow these behaviours to continue. I am sure, however, that these two specific factors would not be the only factors that are the causes of AB tendencies.
  2. irataliw's Avatar
    Certainly you are right, Zeek61, that those are not the only factors. Being teased and bullied has a lot to do with it too. Middle school is a horrible place if you are the new kid and children are merciless. I wrote very little in regard to my observations because I was afraid it would be too long to read , but seeing your articulate response maybe I should just write as I initially wanted.

    Also, the factor of middle children is usually they have to try harder for attention because they are not the eldest nor are the "babied" like the youngest.

    But I agree that the opposite is very likely true. Babying someone could very easily lead to a dependence on feeling babied and ultimately affect their AB side. I think these factors all make for an interesting case study as to why we feel the way we do. For instance, I do not have an AB side as such. I do not like losing control and I love thinking. It is only the diapers and what they represent to me. Hmm, maybe this would be a good method to do specific polling and see exactly what data comes to light.
  3. Zeek61's Avatar
    Yes, i do think that this would be an interesting case study to do with the people here to try to identify some of the major contributing factors. I think probably the bigger thing that matters in the family structure is the age range between siblings. This is probably the reason why in my own family i can't exactly see my sister (she is the middle child) not getting enough attention. In my family, i am a lot younger then my older brother and sister (there is a 7 year gap between my older sister and myself and a 10 year gap between my older brother and me). I could see how if the age difference was closer, say about 3 or 4 years, that there would be the potential for the younger child to get more attention. But as i said before, this would be an interesting study to do with people here.
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