So about that hiatus...
by, 28-Jun-2011 at 21:20 (505 Views)
Life-update posts like this always seem so ego-stroking. Suggesting that people notice one's absence and would care for an explanation seems like unwarranted pride; remaining silent on the grounds that no one probably cares seems like false humility, which is really just disguised egotism. And then there is something inherently egotistical about a blog to begin with. Surely, you can see my dilemma.
All kidding aside, I thought I'd leave a short note for anyone who might be curious about what I've been up to since May and why I won't be back online until August or September. I'm taking a hiatus from the site for personal reasons. Here's the (not so) short of it:
For the past six months or so, I've been trying to put myself in my SO's shoes. She isn't an ABDL, and since I am, we foresee no small conflict about the matter arising in the future after our marriage. I think it's a good idea to get as much of it straightened out as possible before we get married, so that gives us roughly 2-3 years to figure things out before there's no turning back.
So I've been trying to understand how she must see all of this, and I have to admit, it's hard to see ABDLism through rose-tinted glass when you're not actually an ABDL. And that's precisely what it is: rose-tinted glass, a certain blindness to the base disgust of human waste and all its accoutrements brought on by our ever so slightly irrational love of diapers and babyhood. To be clear, I don't think that makes it wrong, but I do think it's important to realize that without that nigh obsessive idealization of babyhood, diapers lose much of their appeal. As I'm sure we're all painfully aware, the idea of wearing diapers purely for fun seems like madness to the average observer.
While I've always known this, I don't think I've ever quite felt it, at least not as viscerally as I have been. It was shocking -- really, quite upsetting -- and at first, I dropped everything like a hot potato.
I've been coming back into things more recently, but I've been doing so experimentally, trying to keep in mind what I've learned from my experience of shock. I want to stay outside of the community for a while so I can continue to feel the shear weirdness of being an ABDL. Ideally, I want to make the whole thing slightly more presentable to my SO, so that when it finally becomes an irrevocable part of her life, she'll be able to handle it.
Specifically, I need to learn how to explain things in a way she can understand. I need to eliminate, or at least downplay, things that I know she won't be able to handle, like messing. I need to be OK with her not wearing with me or being majorly involved with it at all. I think that in time, she may realistically warm up to some things, but I need to accept that she isn't an ABDL and will never be as into it as I am, if at all. I also need to learn how to downplay the caretaker-baby element, or at least make it more explicitly a non mother-child dynamic, which I know she can't handle.
In short, I need some time to myself to see things more as a non-ABDL does, and for this, I need a break from ADISC. But I will be back, and I look forward to it. I see that there have been some curious developments, such as the DoS attacks.
In other news, I finally have a new, functional computer, I'm preparing to move out of the state (yikes!) and start up at a new school to earn my masters, and I'm totally unemployed for the time being. In the mean time, I'm getting everything in order for the move, learning how to crochet a lace rosary, and finishing my march through the books of the Bible. I'm almost there -- after I finish up the end of Jeremiah, I only have a few minor prophets, Revelation, and one or two of the epistles. I'm also reading A Prayer for Owen Meany and I'm keeping up on my Greek with Thucydides' History of the Peloponnesian War.
That's all folks! I look forward to seeing you all in later in the summer.
Love and peace,