TheLittleBigPet

I remember having a hard time crying when my father died. I think sometimes when something hits you hard enough, you just go numb. I know I didn't feel my fathers death until the following christmas (his favorite holiday), and I broke down.

Grief can be a strange thing, and it affects us all differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Just be careful that you're not holding everything in too much. Anger welling up can be a sign that you have some emotions to get out. If you're having trouble expressing yourself, try talkting to someone about it. Anyone.

I hope this helps, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thanks

Keeping emotions trapped inside us can sometimes be an automatic behavior that we adopt to avoid others seeing us as sensible and vulnerable, and that's why when it comes out it does so in form of anger rather than tears. This "shield" also leads people around us to believe that who behaves in such a way is, ultimately, a distant and somewhat cynical person.

It's something that happens to me too, partly voluntarily partly probably not, but in your case I guess it's even stronger if you feel like you're losing control. Being "soft inside and hard outside" sometimes sucks, and the only thing you find yourself longing for is someone who is able to hear your inner cry.

is there someone else on here with the same problem like me?

Absolutely. I think we make some incorrect assumptions about how we should respond to grief. Crying is expected, but not everyone cries. Some people--hell, I'd wager a lot of people--react how you did: with little emotion at all. Why that is is beyond me, but I share the same feelings. A few months ago one of my friends killed herself, and upon hearing the news I chuckled at how stupid she was for doing so, and then went back to studying. The next few days were confusing, but I didn't cry either. I think it was a defense mechanism, or maybe people have an excellent grasp on the inevitability of death, but this you're not alone in feeling this way.

Hope you feel better!