Being in an AB relationship
by, 21-May-2011 at 12:51 (595 Views)
(Adapted from a forum post, wanted to save it in case the thread is deleted from inactivity)
I am lucky enough to be dating a girl who not only accepts my ABDLism, but is deep into the lifestyle herself. But before anyone starts to go green with envy, I thought I'd share some thoughts about the reality of being in an AB relationship.
Yes, we met through an AB related site. Yes, we took the risk of meeting up in person. But we met after spending 3 months of near daily emailing, getting to know the ins and outs of each other's personality. So when we met in person, the foundation was already there to build a friendship and relationship.
That said, by knowing each others deepest secret, we had opened up emotionally to each other. It certainly meant things were really relaxed around each other - we could truly be ourselves without feeling like we were hiding things. However, it also meant we got to skip the "coming out" process - we already knew we were both into it.
But the *key* thing we ensured to begin with, was to date normally for around a fair few months before the discussion of AB play came up. It was only once we knew we were compatible that we discussed trying out baby play. Plus, we are in a long distance relationship, so meeting up doesn't happen as often as we'd like!
So how does AB play affect the relationship dynamic?
My baby girl was much more confident in engaging in AB play than any sexual contact. I guess this made it easier to get past the initial embarrassment - and if anything it was just shear excitement to actually get to fulfil our fantasies. But it also meant that before we realised, we were spending our weekends indulging in baby play, and the topic of sexual contact wasn't discussed.
Now I guess, if you were looking for a platonic, loving, AB friendship, this would be perfect. But in the end, it would likely cause issues when external romantic relationships started to happen. That, or a relationship would start to develop within the AB couple.
Anyway, we'd experimented with AB play, but the relationship stood a chance of getting stuck in a nappy based rut.
So I guess we quickly hit the first challenge in maintaining a relationship - communication. I had hit this in previous relationships, but where AB is involved, these issues take on a whole new light. It was only once we both discussed how we saw the relationship going that we realised the AB play was dominating proceedings. Being mature enough to have these discussions also meant we could strengthen the relationship by not being afraid to raise issues in the future.
Balance is significantly more important in an AB relationship. The thrill and enjoyment of being babied or being a carer can often cause it dominate a mature relationship without either of you noticing! Even when both you wanted to date like an adult couple - the temptation is always there... It is the responsibility of *both* partners to take charge and stop the AB play when it is happening too much.
Compromise is key. When both couples are into AB play, there is a high chance that both will have urges at the same time. Part of a loving relationship is to find a compromise to make both happy. But sexual contact gives mutual happiness, as both are involved in the act. With AB play, it is likely that both people want to be babied... so acting as a carer can be disheartening. So you both have to communicate your needs, and find a way to make both happy.
Yes, you both accept and respect each other for being an AB. But when it is part of a relationship, there are times when one person is stressed/depressed/in the mood, and really wants baby play. Sometimes, it is necessary as the carer to say no to it - there is no obligation to get involved, especially if you really don't want to. But other times, it is a case of just taking happiness from making your baby happy - even if you aren't totally up for it to begin with. Both partners will have different urge cycles, it is up to each partner to not only accept this, but tolerate it as well without issue.
Just because you are both into AB, it doesn't mean you will share the same level of engagement in the lifestyle. Previous topics discuss the possibility of accepting other fetishes. But it is quite possible one partner wants to take the AB play further than the other. Obviously, if it is too far for one partner to cope with, it won't happen. But it is the right of the "deeper" partner to discuss their needs with the other, and hope for a level of understanding and experimentation too.
I appreciate I've directed this towards AB/TB play, but it is just as applicable to DL couples, or a mixture of both.