Why I am who I am...
by, 19-May-2011 at 20:40 (1482 Views)
"If you act like a baby, I'll put you back in nappies!" - My Dad threw that threat around to me and my siblings an awful lot when we were younger... Little did he know I was *so* tempted to call his bluff on it! I always wonder if he helped develop my ABDL tendancies... the ultimate humiliation, but as a young child with AB urges, the ultimate fantasy too!
However, that alone couldn't have caused it - otherwise my siblings would be ABDL too! I think there were also events in my childhood that sparked it off - for a start, an accelerated upbringing didn't help foster a memorable childhood! As mentioned in my last blog entry, I had *one* humiliating experience at nursery, but the fact I keep remembering it must mean it was traumatic for my young mind!
I was bullied at primary school for being young (and fat) - having been moved up a year (and not a fan of the "boy sports"). I didn't make many friends in my own year, instead played with the children in my younger brother's class. I was also the "clever" and "mature" one compared to the other children... but very sensitive - a proper "mummy's boy"... she was very caring (and mollycoddling)!
Certainly, I was a goody-two-shoes; I was never in trouble through out my whole school life! I was scared of doing anything that would get me in trouble... and the teachers all knew that! I guess, I was a little kid trying so hard to be big! I also was a teacher's pet... having a role model to make proud at home obviously wasn't enough! I guess throughout my childhood, I was trying to get close to any form of maternal and paternal role... subconsciously craving their acceptance and love!
Oh, and I guess having a childminder for a Mum didn't help either... spending the majority of my childhood watching her baby other children, while I was the "big boy" there to help out!
So I guess that's why I am who I am... there is an underlying need to be loved; I get most of that from being in a relationship, but I guess there's more of a psychological need to be satisfied by ABDL!