by, 11-May-2011 at 05:58 (507 Views)
After my now infamous thread in "Diaper Talk", Fantasies do come true!, I promised to post the backstory. I tend to get a little carried away, but figured it would be good to start WAY back. So, without further ado, the first in hopefully a series of backstories.
Rewind my life all the way back to 4 years old. My half sister was born just over 8 months ago. I was having difficultly making friends, so my parents enrolled me in kindergarden a year early. At time my real father was causing some grief for my parents in various ways. Mostly standing on the sidewalk in front of our house yelling obscenities about my mother until the cops came. I never really fully appreciated the circumstances I was placed in at the time until my mid twenties. At any rate, times were rough for the four year old me.
My first memory of DL is around this time. It was likely a small attempt to get some of the comfort and replace lost attention that now went to my new little sister. I clearly remember two separate occasions where I snuck into the closet where the diapers were stored. I took one out and played with it. Nothing sexual, just loosely put it in place. I didn't use the tapes, so I figure I knew they were kinda "off limits" at the time.
At this point there was no guilt of what I had done, or obsession to do it again. At the time purely innocent exploration, likely serving some higher psychologic need. Fast forward now, about 10 years.
We've moved a few times since I was four now. Most recently to an acreage near a small rural town. Like any teenager, I'm not all that thrilled to be leave my friends behind. I resented the feeling of being stuck in the middle "nowhere". I wasn't fitting in so great at the new school, mostly because I dressed "urban", which really clashed with the country look... On the up side, things with my step father were smoother now. Life was generally good with the occasional ups and downs.
My mother has always been in the childcare field since I can remember. She had made a few friends and got into looking after a few kids on and off. It turns out that one of the younger boys had a bit of a bladder control problem. As a result, a pack of pull ups founds it way to our home. Around the same time I had passed my "baby sitter" course and was now allowed to look after my two younger sisters when my parents went into town. I found myself with a lot of time on my hands...
Not sure what attracted me to the pull-ups first. Probably part curiosity and part boredom. Needless to say, I found myself trying a pull-up on one evening after putting my sisters to bed. From this point on, my obsession would slowly grow. I kept that pull-up and work it several times until it started to fall apart. By that time, the young boy had grown out of his issues and the pull-ups where gone. I don't recall how long I lived without, but it likely wasn't more than a month or so.
By, pure coincidence, I was in the library a few months later heading to one of the three computers had had "the internet". My friend Jeff was at one computer, so I walked on over to see what was up. To my surprise, get was looking at a porn site unlike any I had ever come across. It was a "pant wetting" site, with many pictures and a few videos. Once get noticed I caught him there, he quickly closed it and acted like nothing happened. It was too late, it's name was burned into my mind.
We had the internet at home as well, but it wasn't to fast (9600 baud!) That evening I explored this site in great detail. It was incredibly fascinating, especially when I found a few sets of pictures where adults wore diapers. This site fundamentally changed how I saw the diaper and drew me in. It also introduced me to a small and well hidden community of people who where "like me". It wasn't long until I needed to wear again.
With so much time on my hands, I worked on recreating the "diapered" experience. What I made was a ghetto diaper consisting of the following:
Lots of toilet paper, layered and stuffed in the briefs
Plastic shopping bag, with holes poked for each leg
Duct tape, to fasten it up
I started to wet diapers and kinda enjoy that feeling of warmth that comes with it. I was just hitting puberty, so I was starting to form a sexual "attachment" to diapers as well. I went about this method, occasionally finding an opportunities to get real diapers here and there. I discovered tampons where amazing absorbers at some point. Then panty liners were like a really small diaper. Wore those durning the day, but didn't use them of course. The whole sensation of padding down there was just incredibly comforting to me.
We ultimately moved again, to a slightly bigger town. I fit in a wee bit better there, but at least I was in civilization. Initially just my step father and I moved. My mother was finishing some school course and would be coming up 6 months later. My father was working incredibly long days establishing his business in this new town. This again left me to my own devices on many occasions. I befriended some neighbors down the street and ended up baby sitting for their two sons on a few occasions. One of them was a bed wetter, so I occasionally helped myself to a pull-up.
I joined a TB community operated by a gentleman who went by the name, "Big Daddy". It kept me feeling connected and not alone. Made some friends and found a way to get real diapers. I ordered some through that community by sending a money order. I worried constantly about getting the package and if my parents would ask what it is. When package arrived, my parents didn't ask about it at all. The relief I felt when I got that box into my room quickly turned to elation. That evening I wore my first proper fitting diaper in a long time.
I would later build up my nerve to buy from a pharmacy not to far away. I went during a blizzard, told them it was for my grandfather who was visiting. Paid cash and left with them in my backpack. When you don't have much money and it takes that much courage to just get diapers, you covet them. I paced myself as best I could, to avoid the dread of walking to a different pharmacy to buy another pack. I managed to make friends with a DL who was into cloth state side. He sent me cloth diaper to try out around this time. This cloth diaper got me through all of my high school years. I'd occasionally order a sampler online, but mostly used the cloth to be economical.
Next segment will be my college life. Stay tuned!