Tolerance == "awesome spouse"
by, 02-May-2011 at 22:07 (558 Views)
I've kinda been noticing this of late.
Periodically we have spouses of ABs or DLs popping on from time to time. Sometimes making new threads about how they just discovered their spouse's lifestyle/fetish. People pop on and reply... some of those in the same sort of situation. Yadda yadda.
A reoccurring theme I've noticed is a lot of gushing from the AB/DL members towards the spouses.
e.g. "You're obviously a great spouse just by the fact that you're on this site trying to understand the issue." Or... they're awesome because they'll put up with the AB/DL as long as they only do it when they're not around. Etc.
... which has me a little confused. For the sake of honesty, I do not have extensive experience with relationships. I've had a couple multi-year relationships (one of which I felt heavily invested in), but I've been single for about a decade now. And, I've never disclosed my being an AB to anyone. So, it might just be that I don't get relationships in general. (I've been accused of being Sheldon from TBBT.)
Anyway, what I'm wondering is, do people really think that, or are they just being insincere or exaggerating?
e.g. If a spouse told me "Fine... I don't get this at all... and I think it's gross. But as long as you never do it when I'm around, and you don't talk about it, it's ok I guess."... I get the impression that a lot of people would shower praise on her telling her how great it is that she's so accepting. But I don't think my thought would be "great spouse". More like... "<sarcasm>Oh, so as long as I slither around in the darkness with my disgusting, vile habit, I have your permission to have said habit while you pretend that I don't so that you can stand looking at me? Thanks so much. I don't deserve such kindness...</sarcasm>" (I have seen examples of this basic thing being said without any sarcasm, which is partly what confuses me.)
Now, mind you, I don't think people that get creeped out by AB/DLs are bad people. I understand everyone has different things they're able to function around. That doesn't bother me in the slightest. I don't even think people that are "Out of sight out of mind" about it are bad people... But I don't see how they're great either.
It really gives the impression (well, to me) that some people have self worth issues when they imply that their spouse is a such great person that they're undeserving of for the simple fact that their spouse hasn't left the relationship (sometimes going on for years before discovery/disclosure) over their being an AB/DL.
So, is this gushing an exaggerated attempt at making these people feel comfortable/welcome at this site and with the AB/DL community in general?
Or is it completely genuine?
Do people here think that just by coming on a site such as this to do some "research" is a testament to how open minded they are?
Do people here think that the fact that a spouse will ignore this lifestyle/fetish is a testament to their character and an example of how good their relationship is?
Or do you think this is actually not even remotely a common scenario?
Just mildly curious.