Life has changed, but it goes on.
by, 26-Apr-2011 at 07:48 (442 Views)
Coming to terms with what has happened in the past few months, It has been a roller coaster of emotions. Even now sitting up writing this blog at 2:30 in the morning, I feel like I have started my life over again with all of the ups and downs in the past few months.
Being able to go to a doctor and get medication for my ADD was in fact one of the hardest things I ever had to do even though it was by choice. I knew I had to do it however. My friendships were falling apart from my disconnection with the world. My grade point average was falling near a 1.8 when the semester before it was at a 3.0. I knew I was near collapse and I couldnt continue such a thing.
Even so, I knew i'd never be the same. I feared change and never being myself again. I didn't want to come out a robot who simply followed orders and got things done. The two weeks before i started, I considered myself 'dead' as my life was no longer under my control, much like that of Alex De Large's life in A Clock Work Orange.
Coming out after using medication for a week, my life in fact did change drastically. I broke up with my girlfriend. I Threw out all the electronics in my room. I even stayed up late every night till three to four in the morning. I felt Insane.
I was not insane however because I was under some mind control. In fact I was free. My ability to think and question things that I normally would only speak about, were suddenly popping into my head, being allowed to put more input into these issues. I was able to look at the friendships and relationships in my lives. Look at my own life, and come to terms with things that were at one point beyond my control.
In these last two months where I had hit rock bottom, my life changed forever. I no longer was someone who lived day by day not questioning life. I was the question asker once again. I was no longer a person who sat idly by when bad things happened and felt nothing could be done. I became the decider of my own fate.
My life is nowhere easy right now. I am at a 2.2 gpa trying to get back up to at least a 2.6 gpa to somehow maintain a 2.8 gpa. I sit knowing that my life will become twice as hard in the upcoming months as college comes to a start. I know during that point of time, I will truly be alone again.
The difference between now and then is that I can strive to be the best student I can be along with an understanding how to do such things. When I leave my family, I am no longer afraid that I might fail them in this upcoming year. I can finnaly say.
I can change my life.