On the rocks, plenty of alcohol but no denying a problem.
by, 24-Apr-2011 at 18:42 (445 Views)
Alright, I decided to start my first blog. I am in need of support but I find that there can be a lot more intelligent/ useful information to be had in the blogs.
So, as some people on this site may know, I have a girlfriend that knows about my fetish. She is supportive and I trust her because she knew about my fetish before I started dating her.
That is the background, now for the problem: lately I've been feeling like we are drifting away and I have an uncanny ability to turn everything good in my life into absolute shit.
Well the first thing that supports my theory is the fact that I got into college on two scholarships, but I already failed a course and I'm not even finished my first year( This is a different discussion, maybe a future blog) . The second thing is, I jumped the gun and broke up with the girl who truly knows me and understands me.
I don't even understand why I broke up with her... I just did. It's not the first time it has happened. There have been others in the past whom I have done the same thing to. I don't know why I do it...I've been lucky enough to have two girlfriend's who were both very supportive of my fetish and basically who I was. But I just end up getting so overwhelmed with the fact that I'm juggling all of my passions and responsibilities (School, chores, music, work, my parents, different groups of friends, and up until recently my girlfriend) and I end up blocking myself off from the world. The last time it occurred I just didn't talk to anyone, for about a month.
On to the part that could save me. Today I received a text from this girl, it said "I still have questions. I still have things to say. I know I cannot change your mind, But I really am willing to wait for you. If you want."
At this point my head is spinning. I really do like this girl but with everything that is going on right now my brain can't function properly. I told her that I am leaving town for a few days, going to stay in my apartment for a few days so I can just think. It almost killed me when I sat on her bed and told her that I was sorry for wasting her time. I just don't know what to do.
Do I get back together with her? Do I just live as a hermit again? These are the days when I wish that everything was easy again.
I'm sorry if my ideas are all jumbled, but I can't express myself in a way that justifies what I'm going through right now...sorry.