View RSS Feed


Infantilism, A True AB

Rate this Entry
When I was six I was adopted, and until I was 53, I had no recollection of anything before adoption. The fact that I had an older sister was a shock to me, when introduced at age 17. It was all a blank. Then, at 53, I had a series of Transient Ischemic Attacks (TIA) which are mini strokes that resolve themselves. Waking up on the floor after losing three, four, and up to eight hours, wasn't fun! That was when the nightmares began.

With the nightmares came the overpowering desire to regress. My wife became concerned when I stopped leaving the house, wearing two or three diapers at a time during the day, and spending most of my day tucked in the corner of my office surrounded by teddy bears and stuffed toys. I cried often, jumped at every sound, and stopped talking. She took me to a psychiatrist.

I was terrified. She had to hold my hand and keep me close the entire trip, and sat with me in the office. With her there I could talk about what was happening, and as I opened up to the psychiatrist she started making sense of things. Repressed memories were trying to surface from my past, according to her, and hypnotherapy was recommended. There were drugs too, pills to make me go to sleep (I'd been afraid to go to sleep because of the nightmare), and pills to help me stay asleep, and pills to help me stay calm, etc.

In desperation I wrote to the orphans court of Montgomery County for the records on my case. After months of cutting through red tape, proving my identity, sending copies of my adoption papers (I found them after my Mom passed), etc. I finally got the court appointed investigator's report. After that the nightmare made sense, and through reading the report all the memories that were trying to get through suddenly were repressed again. For several months I remained in my mind, a two-year-old baby girl. Yes, I said girl.

More hypnotherapy sessions followed and the memories came out, one at a time, until I was completely and permanently scarred. It took nearly four years to fully recover to the point where I can once again mingle with people and keep my terror under control. But the infant me lies only a memory away! The once tough ex-cop fearless man no longer existed in this body. I doubt he will every return.

Flashbacks and the nightmare leave me in a state of instant regression, the way I dealt with it all from age three until after six. Since I'd never been potty trained, and still wore diapers at age six, and have been incontinent and in diapers since I was 12 this is easier than you might expect. Out comes the pacifier, or bottle, or baby toys, and I am two again, a quiet little girl. Why?

My birth mother worked in an asylum (mental hospital of the 50's) where she was able to get a drug called quietepine. She was able to get other drugs too, and with those, banana rum mixed with apple juice, and beer mixed with milk she was able to reduce me to a silent and quiet toddler. She didn't have any boy clothes, so I wore my sisters baby clothes. Because alcohol makes you pee more, she kept me in multiple diapers at all times.

Most of the time I was too intoxicated and drugged to walk, or even crawl, which made taking care of me easy for her. According to the notes of the investigator, he thought I was a girl until in the hospital a nurse changed me. It was also thought that I was only three, as I was very small for my age. There are other memories too.

As a child I knew that being dressed in girl clothes meant that people liked holding me more. If I was very still and quiet in their arms I was often held for long periods of time. Craving human touch I was careful to learn what they liked best when holding me, and making sure my mother and aunt liked holding me.

Both of them were often cruel, especially to me. Those memories are just as vivid as sitting in a playpen in a dress, three diapers, and rhumba pants. I like the latter much better. When they were alone, and drunk, they would do things to us. My sister and I both had multiple orgasm difficulties. It sounds nice, but it can be very painful! Masturbation was another way to manipulate us, especially at bedtime and naptime. So it's surprising that diapers were never a sexual thing for me.

Now I'm somewhat more normal, still incontinent, still wearing gauze prefold diapers and plastic pants (I'm allergic to disposables), and very often lost in my baby world. After seeing a psychologist for two years I came to grips with who I am, and am now comfortable being an adult baby. Yellow and pink are my favorite colors and most of my pacifiers are pink. The nipples are the Nuk 5, but the rest is borrowed from a baby girl pacifier. I have a playpen big enough for me (built by a close friend) that is my retreat. And occasionally my wife takes on the role of Mommy.

If you read this blog, thanks for sticking with it. Did you have similar experiences? I'm always glad to talk to other ABs, even those who aren't incontinent! Being comfortable with who we are is important. I hope you are.

Deliriously Happy in Diapers!


  1. Ronbeast's Avatar
    While the story does stretch the imagination, it's not fair to simply call BS. For 1) Do you personally know the poster and their life story?

    2) Judging by the article, the poster is around 53 years old which would mean at the age of 6 this occured around 1964. Back in 1964, some strange things were used as "medication": Cocaine, arsenic, etc.

    3) While the story is a little out there, child abuse and miscare does occur often. Is this a case of it? I dont know and I'm not going to be the one to flat out call BS. It very well may be BS, but I don't like to be forced into heated arguements.

  2. crazykittensmile's Avatar
    [QUOTE=Mikeru117;bt18986] it's up to the users of ADISC to call BS so the mods can see and do something about it...[/QUOTE]

    You are right, it is very much up to the users of ADISC to recognise where the content of a post do not sound complete believable, and to then report these to the mods so that they can do something about it. However, the best place to alert the mods to posts that contain questionable content is through the requests forum. There is no need to call BS publicly, unless you are doing so in a constructive way.

    We are, first and foremost, a support community, and although it is important to uphold our ethos of honesty we should still try and act in a way which is supportive. Certainly, it is not supportive to call out BS in a way which would offend the poster, or suggest we are unwilling to support them, if what they are saying [i]is[/i] true.

    I don't disagree that where a story sounds hard to believe that it is appropriate to voice this, but I also think members need to try and be constructive with such posts. Eg: 'I'll be honest, this sounds rather hard to believe. The parts I'm having trouble believing are [x & y], would you be able to clarify what happened a little more.' Including a question or two about the parts of the OP's story that don't seem fully believable is then a good idea.

    It's always better to give the member a chance to explain themselves - where they will either clarify their story, or likely say something to show the falsity of their claims - than to just downright accuse them of lying. I will agree that to me this story seems utterly unbelievable, but that is partly because it is hard, as somebody who has not experienced such cruelty, neglect and abuse, it is hard to accept that adults could be so cruel to a child.

    Turtlepins, if this story is indeed true then I am very sorry for what you went through. It sounds that you are very lucky, though, to have such a loving and supporting wife to help you through your painful memories. Good luck in continuing to look beyond your past and into the future.
  3. Trevor's Avatar
    Reading this produces a vast ambivalence. I find it exceedingly unlikely to have taken place as written but I also can accept that "recovered memories" produced through hypnotherapy and other means can produce results that never happened but seem completely real to the person involved. Taking what has been written on good faith, I'm sorry to see that you've had all this harm and upset, regardless of the actual truth of the matter. Whether this is a true account or a construction of theraputic malpractice that has woven truth and fantasy into an inseparable whole, it still has the weight you give it. True or false it's in the past and I think the only sensible scheme is to keep moving forward rather than dwelling on what was, possibly was, or might have been.
  4. Near's Avatar
    Hi turtlepins,

    One detail that struck me in your blog was that you mentioned a drug that your birth mother used on you, Quietepine. I wasn't able to find such a drug, but I did find one with a very similar name: Quetiapine - it's used to tread both schizophrenia and bipolar disorders. Now, this raises a pretty big question for me: the US patent on Quietiapine is only scheduled to expire in 2012 (originally in 2011), which means that it had it's patent approved 17 to 20 years ago (so sometime between 1991 and 1994). If this is so, how could your birth mother had given you that drug, or where you thinking of another drug that I was unable to find? - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.