duckie

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

Johnny Cash couldn't of put it any better.
Why does my brain work differently? The second I get yelled at, on the outside I quietly lower my head and take the beating well. On the inside I am beating myself up, more like punishment. I punish myself for being bad. Then when I'm alone I take action. I've got to work on my hiding ability. I got caught hours after commiting the crime. I'm so lame...