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My History Involving Daipers (for better or worse) prt 2

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I had eradicted all my daiper thoughts for the next 3 years. It wasnt until I was in highschool and I was at my grandma's house for some sort of family gathering (the one who daipered me previously). I was bored and just mindless snooping. Since my gma started a daycare center out of her house she had a room of all sorts of baby stuff. At first I was actually snooping to find the christmas presesnts which I knew she hides in the room I was in. I started getting disracted by all the daipers in the room, it was a Haven! It didnt dawn on me until I had noticed she had every size on the market. I noticed I was getting that butterfly feeling I had felt before, so I made sure I was alone and closed the door, I started going through all the different brand and inspecting them, and I was getting arroused. It was then I discovered something that revolutionized my fetish, I found a pack of Goodnites XL. I looked at the package like I just pulled excalibur, I had no idea something like this could even exist, I saw the label in the corner "Fits 85lbs-100lbs." at the age of 15 I had just broken a hundred, I couldnt fatham the idea of fitting into a daiper at my current age.

I stayed in that room it seems like forever. I was trying to either A.) get the balls to put on one these wonderments I just found, or B.) pull myself away and be normal because I felt completely weirded out. "A" was more overwhelming, i snuck one of the goodnites under my shirt and went into my gmas bathroom, and skipped the whole process of when I was 12 of trying it on over layers. It was like I was possesed I couldnt even help my actions I just did it. I admired myself in the mirror for a few minutes, but I could tell the family was curious of where and what I was doing. So I pulled my pants and boxers over the goodnite and wore it for the ideration of the day. That was also the first day since I had been potty trained that I peed in a daiper.

With my eyes opened to Goodnites, I also discovered they had a XXL size, when I was at a grocery store which fot me even better. I was slowly getting obsessed with daipers, I couldnt get them off of my mind. It wasnt much longer I built up enough courage to purchase my own pack of goodnites. Then shortly after that I was relieved to find out via internet (i was looking up goodnites) that a whole community of who knows how people have the same thing I do.

But it also drove me crazy. I couldnt stop thinking about daipers, it wasnt 24/7 or anything, but when alittle thoughtwould pop into my head it took awhole lot to get it out, usualy a whole night online researching and peeing through several daipers. I had tried messing them a few times, but I could never go trhough with it. It seemed impossible because when I was in a daiper mood I never needed to poo, but I always have the perfect poops when I wasnt around any daipers. the few times I ligitimately tried, was uncomfortable and made me feel gross, which was also a good way to get me to hang up daipers for a short period of time.

My senior year I discovered actual adult daipers, (I obvioulsy had before with all the online sites) but this was the first time I had a chance to physically use one instead of reading about them. My roommate's younger sister was a bedwetter, I didnt know this for the longest. I was curious why I heard crinkling noise when she would walk around the house in her pajamas, but never actually chalked it up to her wearing daipers. I accidently discovered one in the trash can when I was home alone. Dont ask me why I actually picked up out of the trash, probably because I had tucked all my daiper thoughts away for a few months and seeing it in the trash put my mind into 5th gear. I hadnever seen Depends, but I was sold, it was the same crinkle as the 90's pampers, and even had the adhesive tapes (even there were 6). It was like discovering a diamond in the ruff (excuse my odd sense of humor). I'm actually going to take a intermedate break to tell another story similiar to this.

That wasnt the first time I used a daiper out of the garbage. I was staying with my dad one christmas whenI was 6 or 7, I cant remember if it was before or after my daiper punishment at that age. But I had a neighborhood friend, this little girl who was no more than 5 who wore daipers. She was deffinitly old enough to be potty trained, but young enough to still use baby daipers. For some reason and dont ask me why or how but one of her daipers was laying in the bottom steps of the apt complex. Again who knows what made me do it, especially for that age, but I snathced it up and ended putting it on. I'm going to be honest which maybe or maybe not find gross, but it was used. Not soiled, but it did have alittle bit of pee in it. That was just a weird memory I had forgotten all about. I remember the pee was cold which felt good, makes me feel like I got issues thinking of that, but I was young.

So back to when I was a senior in highschool, I had discovered my roommates little sister's (she was in middle school at the time) diapers in the garbage, and to repeat what I did when I was little I went into the bathroom and wore a already used daiper, and yes it had alittle bit of pee which reminded me of the same nice cold sensational feeling when I was alittle kid. I didnt live there long, and I was out the door when I graduated, but I feel bad because I just started stealing her depends from her closet instead of snooping through the trash which I believe is alittle more of a healthy mindset. in fact I feel bad for stealing her diapers in the first place, who knew how embarassing it was for her to wear them, I knew I was jealous in a small way.

But no matter how much I get sucked up into my obsession with daipers I can eventually pull out of it. I always beat myself up for having this fetish, I thinks its weird as hell, and I hate it when it controls me. I like having my independence as an adult, I love being continent, being able to hold it when I want to. I hate being so infatuated that I spend days building courage to go to a store and purchase a pack. Then I hate trying to find a hiding spot for the pack, and it up just getting paranoid and throwing away them execpt a few. Everytime I buy a pack which is so far and imbetween now, i will use about 3 or 4 of them. Its just too much that goes into it, and for alittle while I was so consumed I bought a pair of rubber pants, and the expensive adult daipers with the baby print on them from a website. I would also buy baby wipes and baby oil and baby powder, but I also had a few bibs, and a couple of pacifiers. When its good its good, but as soon as that feeling leaves, I feel paranoid, weird, and disgusted.

Its like I want to stop but dont. I like being normal most of the time, but I sort have just embraced this kind of Asexual part of me, attracted to the daiper.

I guess that just kind of sums up everything for right now. I've been holding onto that rant for awhile now, so it feels good to get it out.

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