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CuddleWoozle

Recalling things

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I've pretty much been repressing this side of myself for a long time. I honestly never wanted to grow up as a kid.

(And because Toys R Us had that as a theme song when I was young, I thought that if you went there you could just stay a little kid forever. Too bad it doesn't work that way.)

The earliest disappointment I remember was that I stashed my very last baby bottle in my closet when I was about four. I found it under the sink and washed it off in the bathroom and filled it up with water. My mom caught me with it and I told her it was to feed my baby dolls with so she let me keep it until she caught me drinking out of it. And then it went into the trash. I was so disappointed.

I've mentioned before how I would carry plushies around with me. It wasn't until very late that I realized it wasn't 'normal'. Of course, to me, normal is relative. I wasn't hurting anyone, so I never had a problem with it.
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  1. LittleHanah's Avatar
    I often think of it now too. In fact, Ive had a few sad moments where I look at myself, and realize im not a kid :\. I just got out of my teen years, and now its really hitting me. Im not even a kid in the eyes of anything anymore. Im *responsible* and held *accountable*.

    It seems very overwhelming to me. I remember I was like 8 years old and I would think about how my parent's friends would come over and always tell me how big I had gotten. Most kids would be prideful of being *big* but I always kind of felt like...I was afraid. I still am, and Im even more afraid now that Im really not a kid.

    That bottle story you mentioned just made me tear up a little, I have a strong strong attachment with my bottles and pacis now, because bottles were so comforting to me, I remember being about three years old and laying in bed, and I asked my mom for chocolate milk and she lovingly handed me a bottle...and I stared at the cieling as I drank...soon enough , falling asleep with it next to me.
    Your not alone in feeling a bit..*un normal*.

    Oftentimes, I come on Adisc, because being an AB just by myself with no one to tell me they relate..is really lonely..and I almost feel like im keeping a *bad* secret. Even though im not really doing anything bad.

    *safe hugs*
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